Today I was reminded of a very difficult time in my life, thanks to a dear PD’er.
It was the best of times and it was the worst of times.
The worst of times… My life was literally falling apart. Physcially, the doctors were trying to decide if I had MS, RA, a brain tumor or Lupus. Something was causing the optic nerve in my eye to hemmorage and they were baffled. The choices were non-inviting. It became a waiting game.
My three children were all under the age of 8, I was working and for some reason that I could feel in my gut yet couldn’t identify, other areas of my life were falling apart. The agony lasted for 15 years.
I was weak and impressionable and I trusted everyone. I learned that the only one you can trust one hundred percent of the time is the Lord.
Enter, the best of times…
Due to my ongoing circumstances, I learned to lean on God as never before and it was during that time that He became more than the Creator of the heavens and earth – He became my constant companion, my dearest friend, my daddy. In the midst of the pain, the confusion, the heartache – He was enough. On days when the storms thundered and the clouds rained misery, He gave me grace to keep walking forward and strength to do it well. He gave me hope and a peace that truly lived up to His promise of going beyond understanding. It became the best of times in my walk with a mighty God.
I am in another season of trials and tribulations and due to the prompting of what has become a dear friend here, I am opening the private pages of my journal to give you a glimpse of what the last week has been like., a mere snippet of the past year. Because, I was reminded that I don’t walk this road alone as we have others in our lives who will walk with us, although sometimes they have to be made aware of our needs. But more importantly, we have a heavenly Father who promises to not leave us or forsake us. And that is who I will trust for this season of my life. That is who, when the pain pierces my heart and the tears fall without end, I will run to.
During the best of times, I remember often crying myself to sleep. Weary and broken, I would curl up in bed and peace would cover me. I know it was the arms of my Daddy wrapping around me as He whispered, “I will take care of you.”
It was there I learned He means what He says.
This week is not the worst of times but it’s been a test. And when I was in school, before a test I would pray that God would help me to remember the things I needed to know. Well, during this life test, I am praying that God will help me to remember what I need to know… that His arms are around me, holding me close. And He’s not going anywhere. In that, I can trust and in trusting, I am able to rest.
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