When My Mind Says Go and My Muscles Say No… I Worship.

Several years ago there was a popular craze among Christians… the 40 Days of Purpose craze. This popular craze ran its course, like so many other Christian crazes tend to do until another idea is targeted to promote Christ-likeness.

The one thing that impacted me more than anything was really allowing to sink down deep the truth that my greatest purpose in life is to worship God. I have to admit that since I have let that truth sink deep, I have struggled with what that actually looks like 24/7.

Until one day.

Having Parkinson’s at the age of 46 can sometimes leave me feeling extremely purposeless at times. Feeling as if I don’t have much to contribute any more. When I am in a good frame of mind, I know that there is much I can contribute to life, but my mind isn’t always in such good a frame and I struggle with how one worships when they feel lost, discouraged, frustrated, displaced and even… alone.

Last week I was physically struggling with the regular, mundane chores of life. You know, the doing-dishes-folding clothes-sweeping chores and on and on the list meanders silently down the page, waiting patiently to be crossed off once again. This is the kind of physical struggle that no matter what you say silently or aloud to your ten fingers, they won’t obey. I say, “Type faster,” and, they don’t. Do they hear me? Yes. Do they obey? No. “Scratch my back,” I say and they can’t. “Tie my shoes,” I plead.

Nope.

Ain’t gonna happen.

Today we’re wearing slip-ons.

Sometimes I’m finding I have to ask family members to tie bows and knots in my shoes, zip zippers, button buttons, put on or take off a coat. Those are met during my off times. Times when my mind says go and my muscles say no.

Off times can have a tendency to make me feel lonely and discouraged, as if I actually have lost my purpose in life. Life as I once knew it, isn’t quite the same any more.

Somewhere in the change,

during the change,

because of the change,

I feel my purpose changed as well.

If it is true that I was made to worship God, my first realization – it’s a 24/7 activity. God doesn’t shut off now and then, but exists and is available at all times. At work, at school, at home, in the sunshine, in the storms, in the garden, at the dump. Worshipping God 24/7 and what that looks like for me became my quest. I wanted to know intimately this purpose for my life – that of worshiping a holy God. Every other purpose that once seemed real or important has, one by one, slowly faded to a lesser priority or disappeared altogether.

I began with the fact that

I am a mother.

Mothering duties seem to lessen as I scan an empty nest, its gaping empty spaces filled occasionally – only temporarily. Feathered friends flitter about, with no playmates to be found. I am a mother of three whose primary purpose for 32 years seemed to be that of training up my children in the best way I knew how to point them – direct them – in the path they were bent towards. Now, I am left sitting on a sharp twig in a pokey nest where there are weightless feathers tucked amongst the twigs where my three little chicks once squawked for dinner. I have asked myself, “How do I worship at a time like this, as I sit here watching my children fly away, needing me no more?”

I am a wife.

I know as well as my husband does that I all too often fail in that primary, earthly role, easily distracted with lesser things in life, indirectly and unintentionally putting him second. The role of wife is an extremely important role – jammed full of purpose – and yet somehow, I all too often convince myself that I have fallen short. And so, as a wife, I find myself asking, “How do I worship when I feel I fail so often at who I perceive I am to be as a his wife?”

I am a daughter.

Instead of me being able to run to and fro – doing things for my parents, doing things for his parents – time and distance play much too large a factor in journeying away from home so easily. I learn that our parents are trying to figure out how they might be able to help take care of me in the years to come because of my physical changes. Instead of me thinking about the opportunities to care of them, they think of ways to care for me. This daughter asks, “How do you worship when you feel like you may not be able to do that which you actually looked forward to – giving back a little of what was given to you?”

I am a friend.

In the roles of friendship, I find myself forgetting the things I long to remember. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Prayer requests. Names. My head is filled with too much and remembers too little. I ask, “How do I worship when friends feel I don’t care because I forgot to return a phone call or send an overdue letter or reply in some fashion or form? When they think something’s wrong because the muscles in my face have ceased to obey my brain when it says to smile and a frown is what they witness plastered there instead?”

Fairly good questions. In the asking, however, I notice there is much feeling occurring. In that realization, God shows me the need to live by truth and not feelings that so easily deceive.

Truth One.

I am good a mother. Never perfect, but fairly decent.

My little chickadees may be flying away but every once in a while they turn around and say, “Remember when you taught my how to do this?” then they take a fancy dive, pulling up out of a crash landing just in time and…

it’s beautiful.

Every once in a while, they fly back and sit a while with me in a familiar nest and I like that. It makes the next departure a bit easier. It makes the gap that is left not so gaping.

Then there’s

Truth One, Part Two.

I will never sit on that branch alone. I will never be in that nest alone.

It might seem high from ground view. My wings may be tired and the wind may blow. I may, at times, feel I am being blown away, but there is One who covers me with his wing and it is there under His protection I will hide and find shelter.

Truth Two.

I am a good wife. I could do better. I could do as my husband says and not cook on high so often. I could leave the dishes and sit and talk to him a while. I could quit expecting so much of myself and realize that sometimes it’s okay to just be… me.

Truth Three.

I am a daughter and I am still alive. This disease has become a part of my life, but it will not claim it. I refuse to sit in a chair the rest of my life and eat bon bons ‘til I die.

(See’s Bordeaux’s maybe.)

It is still my desire that if God is willing, I will be there to take care of our parents and give back whatever I can for what they have given and done for me.

Truth Four.

I am the best friend I know how to be.

I am the best friend that I am able to be.

Most of the time.

I could do better.

When I remember I need to call back, I need to just do it right then or… I will forget once more, leaving friends to feel neglected. When I remember a friends’ birthday is near, I need to get that card out then or… well, you know. The truth is, I need to not put off until tomorrow what can be done today for the fact is, I’ll plain forget.

Truth Five.

The smile’s there (even if it can only be seen on the inside) because joy is there. My ability to still smile on the inside is due to my life purpose of being made to worship God.

There is a song by the group Watermark called ‘Knees to the Earth’. This was playing the other day as I approached a red light. As I was slowing to a stop, there ahead of me was a beautiful mountain, presently catching the first snow fall of the season. As the soft, delicate, frozen flakes fell, each finding their own place to land, the picture being created before me quickly became a most beautiful portrait. I captured it in the photo frames of my mind.

As I waited speechless at the light, the view was breathtaking and took my thoughts of purposelessness away as I listened to the words of that song playing in the background…

Beautiful Jesus, how may I bless Your heart?

Knees to the earth, I bow down to everything You are

Beautiful Jesus,You are my only worth

So I will embrace You always, as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high

Be treasured here, be glorified

I owe my life to You oh Lord

Here I am

What He’s done, Who He is – this is cause for heartfelt worship.

Holding tight. Not letting go. Through the joys, through the pain of this earthly life. When I feel alone, discouraged, displaced – it is He that I will hold on to and it is me that He will not let go.

Be blessed oh Lord, be loved, be lifted high

Be treasured here, be glorified

I owe my life to You oh Lord

Here I am

My knees fall to the earth

Without Him I am nothing. I am no one, wandering aimlessly without purpose. Not as a mother, nor a wife, nor a daughter, nor a friend. It is He I will bow before and find my worth. It is He who is deserving of my worship.

It is on my knees that I find purpose.

From my heart,

Sherri

Strength Is Made In The Waiting

basket-roses-straight-sharp

He reigns forever

He is our hope, our strong deliverer

He is the everlasting God

He does not faint, nor grow weary

Strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord…

He is the defender of the weak

He comforts those in need

He lifts us up on wings like eagles

He is our hope, our strong deliverer

Strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord…[1]

I am sitting here listening to Chris Tomlin. What a great worship leader. How God is using this man to write some of today’s greatest worship songs.

I think the things I love most about his songs are they are so God-focused. Often we sing ‘worship’ songs filled with too many ‘I’s. They are more about what we feel like rather than who God is. They tend to cause us to look inward instead of upward. Personally, I prefer to look upward. The view is better.

I was listening to ‘Everlasting God’. What a song of hope. So often, we feel so weak, so discouraged. At least I can feel that way at times. Situations that you can’t do anything about. Circumstances you can’t alter. People you can’t change. Yet, in our weakness, He remains the God of forever – who was, who still is, and who is yet to come.

The God that stood with David before Goliath. The God that stood with Noah before a mocking world. The God that stood with Stephen as he was stoned. The God that stood with Joshua as he walked the walls of Jericho. The God of forevers and the everlasting.

Strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord.

David’s strength came when He waited… and sought five stones. Noah’s strength came while waiting… and working. Stephen’s strength came while waiting… and remaining faithful. Joshua’s strength came as he waited… and walked. They all became strong in the waiting… and waiting requires trust.

It is in trusting that we rest. Trusting means letting go and letting God. Holding on means refusing to take our hands off whatever it is we refuse to cease control of and let God work through. As long as we hold on, God holds back.

His answer. His solution. His healing. His blessing.

Can we even begin to comprehend the mercies, the blessings, the unfailing love He desires to give – if we will just let go? Holding on says that we are strong enough to work through the situation at hand. It says we don’t need God. Ouch.

Letting go says… I am weak. And yet, it is in that place that God chooses to work – not in our self-proclaimed strength.

Have you ever worked alongside of someone who thought they had it all under control – didn’t need your help? Sometimes we’ve said to ourselves, “Fine then…,” stood back, and watched them fall. We can get to be cocky when we think we are strong.

It says:

He is the defender of the weak

He comforts those in need

He lifts us up on wings like eagles

He is our hope, our strong deliverer

Strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord…

God cannot defend someone who thinks they are strong. Why? They think they don’t need Him.

God cannot comfort someone who thinks they are not needy. Why? They think they’ve got it all together all on their own.

God cannot lift up someone on wings like eagles who is already flying high in their own pride.

Oh how I want Him to be my only hope, my only strong deliverer. Just Him. Even if it means waiting. After all, it is in the waiting I am made strong in Him.

You can listen to ‘Everlasting God’ here (and be blessed!):

Everlasting God


[1] Adapted from the song, “Everlasting God” by Chris Tomlin.

Moments Made for Worshipping

my-favorite

This is a moment made for worshipping.

What if the moment is filled with heartache? What if we’ve forgotten how?

This is still a moment made for worshipping.

We can easily forget how to look up – up toward God Almighty. And if we’ve forgotten how, then we need a refresher course on who God is. He is the God of swaddling clothes. He knows how to wrap us up – His children – in such a way that we are comforted and cared for. And, when we are wrapped, we know what protection and love and grace is all about.

Oh, to become like little children who allow themselves to be comforted in the arms of God!

In the moments when I tell myself — and honestly believe that I can’t do this thing called life much longer – I listen to this song (words have been slightly altered) –

Monday morning – hiding again.

Somewhere in the distance I remember yesterday

Singing hallelujah, full of wonder.

But right now I’m just wondering –

Why don’t I feel anything at all?

It’s not about feelings, is it? Where did we ever get the idea, after all, that life was a bucket filled with everything we could ever dream of? Where was the birth certificate that says, “Endless bliss and contentment, from here on out kid.” Yet, we feel it should be. Somewhere amongst the bliss and contentment that others are enjoying, our bucket appears empty and we feel cheated. No one feels like worshipping when they feel jipped.

Every little girl has heard of Cinderella in some shape or form and dreamt the dream of being a princess. Entertained the crown, the carefree lifestyle – the lie. Little girls that I’ve known, don’t grow up and ride off into the sunset. Little girls grow up to be single moms and working wives, battered and bruised, unappreciated and unloved. They come from broken homes without examples of unconditional love and scattered instead with love that has boundaries, intruders that steal their innocence and surrounded by walls made of steel. They come from homes that don’t believe in happily ever afters but hang on to Santa and the Easter bunny instead, where happiness is seen twice a year. They come from homes that have replaced hope for hangovers and morals for immorality. And all the while, in the midst of these moments that can bring us to despair, they are the moments made for worshipping.

Why a moment made for worshipping if all we seem to feel is pain and all we seem to look upon is heartache? Because – God hasn’t changed and He never will. He was there for Moses and parted the waters, leaving an almighty and angry God to deal with the bad boys on God’s terms. He was there for David to take Goliath down with one of five stones, strategically placed in his noggin. He was there for Peter when he walked on the water. But like Peter, we forget He’s there and look down and begin to understand what if feels like to be drowning. We forget who God is and that He longs to save us – as many times as it takes.

We desperately need saving so often – don’t we?

How do we worship in those times? In the times when the tears won’t turn off? In the times when we are overwhelmed with life’s burdens? We worship with those steady tears and by bringing our bags full of burdens to the throne of God. We remember that our tears are precious to the Lord, who told us He stores them in a bottle. He knows every moment that we have been hurt. We worship because He loves us – in tears of pain or in tears of joy. We worship by laying our burdens at his feet – saying without speaking that we trust Him to take it. We believe that He will do what He says. In that – He is glorified.

A moment made for worshipping. It’s easy on Sundays. It’s the Mondays we need to put on the hard hats and remind ourselves to stay focused – to keep our eyes on Him in order to keep us from sinking. When Peter tried to go solo, he started going under.

We can’t go it alone. We need His strength, His power, His grace and His mercy to sustain us. We especially know that, when life is painful. That makes those moments in life, moments made for worshipping. Moments when we realize we can’t, and that He is, He does, and He will.

-Sherri


[1] Steven Curtis Chapman, A Moment Made for Worshipping, from the album ‘All About Love’

**The More We Sing

print-6-closer-webThe other day I heard a new song by Matt Redman and the only part I recall is one line: “The more I sing, the more I love you.” It made me think about all the dissention there is in the church about what type of music we want to hear and when in the service we want to hear it, why we prefer this kind over that kind, how we want to sing it, and who we’d prefer to lead us.

I felt sad. We become so focused on what, how, when – we have played right into the devil’s scheme in getting us to take our focus off worship and instead, think about how we think worship ought to be. However, when we start thinking about how we think and feel it should or shouldn’t be done, isn’t that becoming self-focused and not God-focused?

Worship is all about God. Emptying ourselves of the garbage within and focusing on our Savior and Maker. Ironically, Matt Redman got that message right as well, when he wrote, “I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about You.”

If I am truly worshiping, I won’t tend to be distracted by the issues that can separate me within the walls of God’s dwelling place, but instead, I gather with other believers as one body, sharing in the presence of the One who brought us all together.

I know the worship wars aren’t over, nor will they ever be. Comments will forever be made about how the worship leader was going much too fast for ‘that’ song last week, or how the song was played ‘way too slow’, how we wish there were just hymns and not all ‘those’ choruses, or the words weren’t God-directed, etc., etc. I think we could make a long list of complaints about our Sunday morning worship services, but you know what that says to me? We’re not worshipping.

We can allow ourselves to become so involved critiquing our services that we forget the purpose of why we came to church in the first place.

As I listened to Redman’s song, I was touched by its simple truth…The more I sing, the more I love you.

Clearly, if we are God-focused and not self-focused, we will grow to love Him more as we sing, as Redman’s song states, because we are reflecting on the message of the song and not if it’s the right speed or whether it’s in the wrong key, if it’s a hymn or by gum! Not another praise song!?!

I realize that there are songs that are not theologically ‘correct’ and there are songs that focus on the believer more than the Savior. I tend to have issues with those as well as the next person, but, how can we tire of singing a ‘chorus’ over and over that directs its attention to our heavenly Father? How can we complain about a hymn that reiterates God’s great faithfulness?

If we are God-focused in our worship, we will be focused on the words and what they mean and not who wrote them, why the new drummer keeps bouncing around, or what the worship leader is wearing. When God-focused, we sing how great is the Lord and realize how small we are. That in itself defines the words sung, ‘the more I sing, the more I love you’. We will be captured into His presence, singing holy, holy, holy. There will be no pessimistic attitude of picking apart everything that’s wrong with the music in the service (or anything else), but we will find instead that our love for the Lord is growing with each word we mouth in praise to Him. The words will become ingrained in our heart and soul as we sing. When we allow that to happen, we are ushered into His presence and there’s no going back. We can’t help but love Him! After all, I feel compelled to point out, isn’t it the angels of heaven who stand before the presence of God and sing over and over again, those three little words with unimaginable meaning?

Isn’t that the whole purpose of worship? To come to a place where nothing else matters but the One we stand before and to worship Him? And, as we worship Him, we will come to realize just who we are. We are nothing and He… is everything.

That, to me, is worship.