Tag Archives: sherri woodbridge

Fact or Feeling?

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I used to wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see… and comment on. Not that I wanted to. Who am I kidding? I still wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see… and comment on. Not that I want to.

It is a curse, one might say, to be so vulnerable. It is a curse in the sense that you want to keep the feelings that are so deeply felt, hidden away so no one can see. Really, so they can’t mock or tease or condemn. At least it feels that way sometimes.

It is a curse in the sense that you want to keep those feelings that are so deeply felt, hidden so you don’t have to deal with them. Feelings of loss. Feelings of isolation. Feelings of inadequacy. Feelings you have when you have what others don’t. And you want to keep them hidden because they don’t, they won’t, they can’t understand.

Mulitple Schlerosis.

Lupus.

Pancreatic Cancer.

Alzheimers.

Breast Cancer.

Alzheimers.

Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

Prostate Cancer.

Crone’s Disease.

Unless you’ve got it, or a disease like it, you won’t, you don’t, you can’t get it. You can’t understand. Not that you don’t want to, but you just can’t. Not fully, anyhow.

You can sympathize, you can pity, you can encourage and support, but you can’t understand. And so, some try to empathize, rationalize, apologize and humorize the situation. But sometimes, it’s not funny, there’s no rational reason one awakes day after day to face their foe in the mirror, nor is it anyone’s fault that they or a loved one suffers with a disease.

I guess I’ve felt a bit frustrated of late, feeling as if some people in my life ‘don’t get it’. I get to the point that I don’t want to even mention PD because it is viewed as an excuse for pain, stiffness, memory loss, or any other ailment I might be experiencing at the time. Sometimes it seems that the fact of my disease, being ever present in my body, has disappeared from sight to the outer world. Yet, I know it is there as it hides within and can definitely be felt moment by moment.

As recipients of a disease or illness, we try when our bodies and our energy levels permit, to do what we are able – garden, write, work on cars, play games, socialize… We have a new vision for the short time we are allotted here on earth and strive to make the most of it. There are some days we feel we could climb a mountain ( a little one) and there are other days when we know we can’t even walk to the base of a hill. It may even hurt to glance upward to look into the sky. These are the days when sometimes others watch us (me) and I wonder if they think PD can’t be so bad. Look at her! She’s digging up flowers! No one with a disability would have that much energy or strength.

To be fair, I often don’t, just as others I know with PD don’t. We push ourselves in the tasks we yearn to function in and finish because it feels good to be used, to be useful, to work, to move. Yes, we push even in the pain because, at least for me, the pain says I’m alive, I can still do it – today. And yes, it also cautions me to take it a little easier, but not so easy that all that is left is to sit and watch life instead of participate in it.

I may wish to hide what’s going on inside, but I’ve never been good at it. I wear a feeling of loss at times, because the fact is, I’ve lost something – control. And I wear a feeling of isolation – a feeling of being alone in the fight. I wear inadequacy by feeling I can’t do, can’t offer what I used to. Everything’s just a little harder to accomplish. But as hard as things may be at times by dealing with something others can’t understand, people mean well. They intentions are honorable and they are trying to deal with this intruder from a different angle: it’s taken a part of the one they love or it’s trying to.

So I guess I’m thankful that sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve because sometimes I don’t want to give this monster any more attention and talk about it. But sometimes I need to and that’s when someone asks how it’s going and if my answer is a little less than accurate, they glance at my heart laying there bare for all to see and re-examine my answer.

You sure? they ask after receiving a less than convincing ‘Okay’ response.

Fine. You’ve got me. I’ve got PD and no, I’m not okay. Today I just really need a friend.

I Wish

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I wish I could form words without someone thinking I was drunk

like saying, “Yes I do think” instead of “Yes I did thunk”.

I wish I could carry a glass with cold ice without shaking

and rattling so loud it sounded like a martini I was making.

I wish I could speak loudly so others didn’t say “Quit muttering”

I wish I could snap back and say, “Well then you quit your stuttering!”

I wish I could walk without dragging my feet

and stay in step with others instead of always feeling beat.

I wish I could not take pills to make me stand straight

oh my gosh – now that would be GREAT!

I wish I could walk without dragging my feet

and almost trip when others I meet

I wish I could hold things without fear of them dropping

but am thankful I still can walk without always stopping

I wish the pain in my neck and back would disappear

But the stiffness just gets worse is what I hear

I wish brain surgery wasn’t in the future for me

but what is – is and what must be will be

I wish things were different for me

I wish the same for others with this thing called PD

but they’re not and that’s okay

for I’ve learned to be content anyway

I’ve got friends who live near and far

friends who know just who they are

some who understand and some that just care

walking with them I have learned to bear

oh how I thank God for all of it, you see

For without PD these things would not be

the friends, their concern, the many lessons learned

even when my heart’s been heavy, my hope has turned

to the One who’s never left me to walk unsteady

the One who stands faithful, true, protective and ready

oh my Jesus, how can I say how great You are

without tears falling from my face, captured in your jar

tears of fear, tears of pain

tears of weakness turning to strength in You I gain

how can I live one moment of my life

whether filled with smiles or filled with strife

I have seen purposes and plans

that could only have come through Your hands.

so I just want to say thank You

honor, praise and glory to You alone are due

I want to shout Great are You Lord Almighty

for loving, protecting, and carrying me.

**A Book of Poems and A Bright Light

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I had an epiphany the other night as I chatted with a fellow PD’er online.

Paul Martin… You have to read this guy’s poems. He will be our featured MVP in the next couple of months but for now, I’ll share a little of what I know about him.

He has Parkinson’s Disease.

He is very transparent.

He adores his kids.

He refuses to give up.

To combat what was going on inside his head (in more ways than one), he wrote poems. While we chatted, for some reason a humongous thought came to me.

Ever since I can remember, I have loved to write. I wrote all the papers for my classroom that I taught when I was eight years old. I wrote poems and short stories in my free time as a teenager. I took creative writing classes in college. I kept diaries for my kids as they grew up (or tried to) and kept several journals of my life throughout the years. I started seriously writing again when my kids weren’t putting their fingers in the light sockets anymore, in between baseball and softball games, basketball and volleyball games, football and more.

It was sporadic at times and irregular. I put it on the back burner more often than not, due to other things that always appeared more important.

Then as I was ‘listening’ to Paul as he spoke through his poems, I thought to myself, “If for no other reason, God allowed this guy to have PD to touch the hearts and lives of others with his words in a heart-wrenching way. You cannot, whether a PD’er or not, walk away unmoved.

As I read, I felt as if God was trying to get through to me. And then I got it when I was chatting with him. I’m not even sure what specifically turned on the light, but it was bright.

Without having been the recipient of this disease, I might be finding things to do (and I do still) that keep me from writing. Having PD has brought me back to what I have loved doing all my life. Without it, I might still be cutting out little useless pumpkins from scraps of pine. Not that they weren’t cute, useless pumpkins.

Sometimes (okay, often) God has to knock me upside of the head to get my attention. Sometimes He has to hit me hard. Like hitting me with YOPD. Yep, that was a hard hit. However, it was a good hit because now I am not only extremely focused (as much as someone with PD can be), but I have a tremendous purpose and that is, to encourage others through this journey God has allowed.

It is not a curse. It is a blessing and truly, I have been blessed in the journey.

**Five Snippets of Advice

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Chip Ingram gave a sermon once (or two or three or 4 times) that was titled, “The Best Advice I Ever Took”. It consisted of five relevant pieces of wisdom, which he considered life changing. They were (if I remember correctly!):

  1. Do your own dishes
  2. Write it down
  3. Do it now
  4. Set your alarm
  5. Take out the trash

Doing your own dishes meant: clean up after yourself; leave things better than you found them; and, do not expect others to clean up after you – clean up after yourself.

Write it down: Lists, calendars, journaling – they all have a purpose. To keep you on track, focused, and mentally healthier.

Do it now: Don’t procrastinate. If something needs doing, there’s no better time than the present. Don’t allow things to pile up – materially or emotionally. Take care of things when they come up and don’t put it off.

Set your alarm: Start the by putting God first. Begin by setting your alarm five minutes early and meet with God. Second week – ten minutes. Work your way up to thirty minutes of quiet time with the Lord. Be on time.

Take out the trash: You are a temple of God. We are to glorify God in our bodies. If there are things that dishonor him (the thoughts we think, the words we use, the bitterness we harbor, the things we view, the things we listen to – whatever grieves His spirit, whatever trash exists in our life – take it out. Get rid of it.

These are five pieces of advice and wisdom that were life changing to him and if you know anything about Chip Ingram, you know he is a man after God’s heart and has been a vessel used by the Lord through which He has changed thousands of lives.

I was thinking about these five points the other day (I’ve personally listened to this message countless times to refresh my memory, for if taken seriously, they are life-changing for everyone), and wondered what five pieces of advice I would take from my life experiences that would be notable enough to share with someone else. The following is what evolved…

  1. Dance with your children. When my first son was born, I was getting ready to leave the hospital and the pediatrician came in for a final check on his newest patient. He sat on the edge of the bed and said, “There will be a lot of folks who will have a lot of advice to give to you on how to raise this boy. Some of it you will be able to use and some of it you will listen politely and need to let it go in one ear and out the other. The best advice I can give you is to dance with your children.”

I took that literally. I danced with my oldest son, my daughter and my youngest son. We have giggled, and laughed, and on my son’s wedding day, I cried. I have danced my kids to sleep and soothed them when they were sick. Those have been some of the best memories of not only my life, but also my kids’ lives.

  1. Bloom where you are planted. I have been in situations that were tough. I have moved to places where I didn’t necessarily want to be. However, if I truly believe in a sovereign God, then I will believe that wherever I am, whatever I am going through – God has me there for a reason.

Sometimes we are in a place we don’t want to be whether emotionally or physically. We can complain, fight it, or we can bloom. A plant does not bloom until it has been planted, taken root, grown a sturdy, strong stem and branched out. We will not grow either unless we ground ourselves in the soil of God’s word, take root in its truth, grow strong in faith and branch out – reach out – to others. That is when we bloom. When we do bloom, we are beautiful because of the grace of God and leave a fragrance that others are drawn to… the fragrance of God.

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song entitled, Bring It On. Bring it on is a ‘male’ version of saying, bloom where you are planted. The chorus states:

Bring it on!

Let the lightning flash,

let the thunder roll,

let the storm winds blow,

let the trouble come,

let the hard rain fall,

let it make me strong . . .

Bring it on.

Nothing happens to us that is not approved by God. Therefore, there should be nothing to fear, nothing to dread. That is so much easier said than done, however it is true. Yet, we do fear, and we do dread, and we do worry and get anxious because we are human. However, God is there to go through it with us, to make us stronger, to make us purer, to perfect us.

The soil we are standing in may feel like quicksand, it may feel like clay or rock, but I have seen many flowers come up through the toughest terrains and surrounded by gravel, rocks and the scorching heat of the sun, they were absolutely beautiful. So, wherever you find yourself… bloom there, where God has planted.

  1. Don’t look back. We can easily be caught up with regret. We wish we had done this or wish we had not done that. We wish we had gone here or had not gone there. We wish we hadn’t said that or wish we could take that back. Regrets, one after another. The past is a tricky thing. It can be full of wonderful memories. It can also be full of memories that haunt us for a lifetime. What can we do?

Don’t look back. Paul says in Philippians that all of us who are mature in Christ (and isn’t that what we, as Christians should desire?), to press on in our lives – forget what is in the past and strain toward what is ahead of us.

We spend so much time looking back. It does not do us any good in our Christian walk to live in the past. Christ is waiting ahead of us, not when we look back. He is coming for us in the future, not in what has been. Turn off the tapes that hold you back. The tapes of regret that go around and around in our minds and play repeatedly. Record some new ones that tell you it is time to move on. It is time to lift your head, look heavenward with joy, and… press on.

  1. Eat dessert first. I like this one because it frees your spirit. It is a grace inducer and it allows you to realize that life was not meant to be a list of rules. Sure, there are rules and laws – commandments even – that we should obey for the good and protection of humankind, but God loves through grace and not a thick book of rules and regulations.

A few years ago, my husband and I were driving to Canada for his aunt’s funeral. We had driven all day and had not stopped for anything to eat so we would not be too late in arriving at the hotel. When we did arrive, I was really hungry. We walked over to the restaurant next to the hotel and sat down. The waitress came for our order and I asked how long it would be before dinner would come since the place was extremely busy. When she said about twenty minutes, I asked if I could order dessert and get that first.

Now, I could have waited for dinner without starving to death. We, as Americans, tend to exaggerate our hunger anyhow and most of us do not truly even understand what it means to starve or be ‘hungry’. However, I was… hungry. However, that was not the only reason I ordered dessert first. I had never done that before. I was 45 and finally rid of guilt over certain things and was finally testing my wings.

How many times did your mother tell you not to eat something because you would spoil your dinner? We have learned and perfected how to take those tidbits of instruction and turn them into lifetime laws that strangle our joy and riddle us with guilt when we have disobeyed them. That is not how God intends for us to live. Yes, He laid down the first laws – the Ten Commandments – but He did it for our protection. He told us not to lie, steal, and covet for our own good, not because He didn’t want us to have fun. He knew the consequences of what could and would happen if we committed adultery. The commandments were given for our protection. To love Him with all our heart and soul and mind would keep us from straying from Him and falling to temptation and regretting our choices.

The pie and ice cream… eating dessert first. It was grace. Defying guilt and manmade laws. It’s a wonderful thing.

  1. Love your neighbor as yourself. I have to confess that I did not really grasp this until a few years ago, but when I did, it was life-changing for me. Christ was (and still is) pretty wise.

It is nearly impossible to love someone else unless you have learned to love yourself. When you do love yourself, you have a joy that cannot be quenched because you are content with who you are. You like yourself. When you do not have that attitude, you can feel like no one else likes you and it is a downward spiral. When you are content with who you are, you are content with most every other area of your life and if someone else does not ‘like’ you, you move on and don’t allow it to become an issue. You can love someone else without conditions because you have learned to love you. You’ve learned to be easier on yourself. You have learned to forgive yourself and believe that God made you for a purpose and God does not make junk. Love yourself first and you will love your neighbor without a problem.

Five snippets of advice from life. You can take it and use it or listen politely and let it go in one ear and out the other. It won’t bother me. I’m busy blooming and dancing with my granddaughter.

**The Feeding of Life-Lawns and Killing Weeds

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Spring is here in many areas across the nation and products to boost your garden and lawn’s appearance are lining the shelves. A recent lawn weed and feed fertilizer company boasted the following advertisement for selling their product:

*Kills Weeds.

*Builds Strong, Deep Roots.

*Improves Lawn’s Ability to Absorb Water & Nutrients.

As I passed the product on the shelf, I thought how this could advertise God’s word and yet I wonder if we, as a nation, would spend a millions of dollars to advertised this great book as the best fertilizer for the Christian life.

A fertilizer has many uses, such as nourishing and stimulating the soil. Compost is widely considered a valuable fertilizer, using a mix of decaying organic matter, such as leaves or manure, which aide in improving soil structure and providing nutrients.

I find that fact rather interesting. Dead organic matter helps provide valuable nourishment and promotes growth in plants. Isn’t that also true in the Christian life? It is not until we surrender and die to ourselves that God can grow us and we begin to bloom.

As fertilizer nourishes the soil, so God’s word spiritually nourishes us. As Christians, we will not grow without feeding upon His word and spending time with Him regularly each day. This I know from personal experience, I hate to admit. When we do spend that needed time with the Lord, strong roots anchor deep into the soil, protecting us from falling over in high winds and heavy storms. We may take a beating as the rain pelts against our spiritual bodies, but we will not be uprooted. We will stand erect when the sun shines once again, often producing a stronger faith that is clothed in beautiful blooms.

This is truth in the life of a believer. When we spend time in God’s word, we grow deeper in our faith and learn to stand firm in the midst of trials and tribulations. We are rooted deep in the things of God and are able to withstand the harsh winds and bitter storms of what we call ‘life’. We are strengthened in such a way that when the storms do come, having been grounded in Him, we are not shaken or moved.


Fertilizer is also a great agent in killing weeds. God’s word is also a great agent for warding off temptation. When a believer faces various trials and temptations, it becomes easier each day to mistake sin for ‘fun’. As Christians, we can distance ourselves from God’s standards and in return, our decisions in morality become blurred. Roots that once were strong and firm now shrivel and begin to fade from lack of nourishment and the inability to absorb water which sustains life. When we spend time with the Lord, we are nourished by the Water of Life – the only true source that brings life eternal.

While we are feeding our lawns this spring, let us take a glance at the condition of our own ‘growth’ and see if it may need some fresh nourishment. Are leaves a brilliant green? Are we shining in our lives so that others notice? Are we budding or blooming? Is growth evident? Are the weeds we have allowed to grow, whether we view them as large or small, being eradicated?

It may be time to visit God’s garden shop and grab a bag of spiritual fertilizer. God wants to do a miraculous work by bringing forth new growth and beauty, just as the flowers are beginning to do this spring. Will we allow him to fertilize our hearts or go on until we fall over in the next storm?

Heavenly Father, I confess I have allowed the things of this world to distract me from soaking up the words and truth of Your word. I have allowed roots to loosen that once grew deep into the things of You and grasped instead, other things of this world. Help me to take root in You and not to sway when the trials and temptations in my life distract me, vying for my attention. Teach me to feed upon You alone. May everything I desire fade away as I die to self and allow you to live through me and may the blooms of my life bring you glory, as others see beauty in me, because of You.

.

**A Friend’s Trip

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The following is a post that was first published on ‘Parkinson’s Journey’, my PD site. It was initiated by my co-author partner of PJ and good friend, Judy Hensley, about her trip that she recently made out west to see four PD friends that had never met in person before this. This is what they had to say about each other after meeting…
About My Friend Karen (by Marian)
I used to think that courage meant not being afraid. I used to think that strength meant not crying when your heart was breaking. Then I met Karen. She showed me that courage means going on even though you’re afraid, and strength means reaching out to others even though you’re crying. Karen has looked into the eyes of despair and rejected it. She has laughed through her tears and defied the odds. She has reached out with a strong hand to help others while her world was turning upside down. She is a wise woman and a joyful (and sometimes frightened) little girl all at the same time, and I’m so proud and happy to say that she is also my friend.
Love ya,
Marian

About my friend Sherri (by Judy)
I learned alot about my friend Sherri when she came to visit me in Tennessee in January, so this is a cumulative summary of some of her characteristics. Sherri is of course a writer, so she soaks up things about people without much outward interaction at first. And then I think she evaluates a person or situation with her heart and mind and interacts in a most sensitive manner. She may seem shy upon first meeting her, but then when she speaks what she says is very thoughtful and sincere. She is tentative about sharing much about herself at first, and she puts on the front of handling life with PD quite well, but I’m pretty sure that is because she puts all the hard life stuff in God’s hands. Her faith is a strength much greater than her own because she has experienced God’s strength in her life before and knows she can depend on it above all others.

While at her home. I got to see her with the ones who make her most proud – her family – but I love the look on her face when she talks about and plays with her ‘bright spot’…her one year old granddaughter. It is a very special bond they share! And I got to share for an afternoon planting and digging in the dirt with her–another one of her passions. And I learned, here is one way we are different….I like admiring the end result of it all…the lovely garden, and will gladly leave the diggin’, sweating, and wondering if what I just planted will grow process to others like her! lol

Sherri may look like she is too serious (PD masked facial look) but she can get zany and silly just as fast as the rest of us!! And her KGB jokes are a riot! To me though, the most impressive characteristic and the trait I most admire in her is her compassionate heart. You immediately sense it, you know it by her words and actions, and in her writings as well. She is selfless, funny, and a wonderful person to know and call my friend.. Thanks Sherri for making my adventure so very special. 4 ever admiring your heart….judy

About my friend Judy (by Karen)
It was nearly two years ago Judy and I met online through a support forum known as Patients Like Me (PLM). She reached out to me through an instant message system they had at PLM. From there a friendship began to blossom. It would not take long before I would really learn exactly what Judy was all about…OK well maybe not exactly she just too unique of an individual for that! Judy has a heart of gold and a spirit of passion for God that stretches beyond the heavens. She has a sense of humor that is infectious especially when she starts to laugh and she also knows how to be not only a compassionate friend, but also giving.

I will never forget the time I came home from work in the afternoon; I was feeling not only emotionally beat up by Parkinson’s but also physically. I had been home on disability and had gone back to work, which was grueling every morning for me. One particular day stands out in my memory; I was too ill to continue my day at work and had to leave after only being at work a few hours. I called Judy on my cell phone en-route home in tears. I felt not only disappointed and betrayed by my body, but embarrassed to admit to my employer that I was having a hard time working a full day. After I had been home for a while my telephone rang; it was Judy on the other end giggling and telling me that when my front door bell rang to open it and sign the paper and please add a tip…I said “What???” she continued to giggle to the point she was in tears on the other end and gasping to catch her breath and then blurted out to me “what kind of pizza do you like??” Yep you guessed it the bighearted Tennessee wild woman ordered me lunch…all the way from Tennessee…I have never had anyone do that for me! Not only was I surprised but so was her credit card company when they called her concerned someone in CA had gotten a hold of her credit card and was using it!! Looking back upon the memory of that very day showed me the heart this gal has for her friends.

Last week Judy made a trip out to the west coast and Marian (another CA gal) and I were on the list of visits…we had a grand time with Judy, Sherri, Marian and myself…No one but Judy could preplan the fun she had in store for us…she went out to the car and returned with a bag filled with small cups of different colors of Play dough…giggled and said “OK everyone pick 3!” We laughed, we sculpted, it was great fun to see four women ranging in age from their 40’s and 50’s so young at heart, each intensely immersed in creating masterpieces! Judy you truly are a wonderful, energetic, vivacious woman…thank you for your friendship!

About my friend Jeanette (by Judy)
I really think I threw my friend in Washington state, Jeanette, a curve ball she never expected when I asked her if I could come and visit her! That’s just the way she is …unassuming the power of her friendship and the blessing of her attitude. If there was a bubbling- over joyous-friend award, she would get it! I so wish she could have come along on the rest of my adventure with me….she would have fit right in…lil bit serious…whole lot of fun and giggles. The other thing so special about Jeanette is how much she just loves people and children and animals. She finds something good in everyone and everything to be grateful to God about. I had the joy of attending her church with her on Sunday morning and it was just a great time of fellowship. Later that day we went on a ferry boat ride and talked Jeanette into coming to Tennessee to visit sometime in the near future. I’m holding her to that promise, no matter what! The thing I absolutely love about Jeanette is her laugh! It is so fun filled and she uses it alot. And she also has the best dead pan humor that is always got me grinning. So Jeanette is my joyful friend. Don’t misunderstand, she has her days too when life gets hard, but it doesn’t take her long to look and find a blessing to claim or something to laugh about in it all, and that’s an amazing thing, I think! Lov ya kiddo…looking forward to you coming to see me in TN!
Judy

About My Friend, Marian (by Sherri)
She walked around the corner as we exited the hotel and I could tell it was Marian by her smile, which matched the one on her Daily Strength and Facebook profiles. We had never officially met, only through the exchange of emails and updates through the PD community.

Marian is quiet and shy but once we all met and exchanged greetings, it was as if we all knew each other forever. Marian makes you feel important and rarely talks about herself but instead asks about you. She has an extremely strong vocabulary, evidenced by her competitive spirit in a game of Cranium. So much so that we blew Judy and her team clear out of the water in that round. An avid reader of such novels such as Moby Dick, she focuses on the importance of its message and not necessarily the size of the fish or what the author chose to name such a massive fish.

If I could use one word to describe Marian, it would be ‘charming’. I’m not sure why, except that is what came to mind. She is funny, witty, innocent in her own way – perhaps it’s because she made an extraordinary ukulele snake charmer couple, complete with baby snakes, out of an ordinary lump of Play-Doh.

Whatever the reason, Marian is a warm and wonderful person who went from being an acquaintance over the internet into a warm and wonderful and wacky person I am honored to call ‘friend’. God is good.
Sherri

About 4 wild women I read about on Facebook by Jeanette (as described by phone to Judy) note: Jeanette knows all four of us online but had only met Judy in person (isn’t she lucky?). For her assignment she was to pick some words or phrases to describe Judy, Sherri, Karen, and Marian from the pics on Facebook of Judy’s trip:
Jeanette on Judy…”drop-dead gorgeous” (further evidence of her insane humor and need for new glasses!), courageous, uniter, joyful (gee, thanks J!–your check is in the mail, lol

Jeanette on Sherri–struggling (to stay awake??? she did drive awhile), deep, enduring, and a great friend (and Judy agrees!)

Jeanette on Karen–love her smile, infectous attitude, intense (note from J: as in Dr. Fernandez –but if she had witnessed the Cranium game she might change this description…lol–you had to be there…no way to describe !)

Jeanette on Marian–looks like she gets along well (with PD and others) and Sparkles as well as great PlayDoh modeler.

**Home

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Years of silence

silent pain hidden behind laughter

real and unrehearsed

Years of heartache

accompanied with moments of sorrow

and days of suffering

that have been intertwined with joy

tried

and standing still

standing firm

Years of life

quiet fallen tears

on bended knees

resting softly on hope

driven by faith

and wrapped in mercy

Faithfulness

endless faithfulness

proven ‘oer again

day after often long day

Promises made

tried and proven ever true

of provision, protection, power

and layered mercy upon mercy

Heavenly Father, faithful Friend

Comforter, Creator, Redeemer

Promise-keeper, Healer

gentle and strong

feared and trusted

It is in only upon Your shoulders

broad and strong

I rest my head

only there

at Your feet

do I cry holy, holy, holy

and find peace

rest

hope

home

My Savior, my Redeemer,

my Friend

Lover of my soul

Comforter of heartache that stirs

and pain that drives me

into your arms

finding shelter under your wings

Abba Father

my Daddy, Prince of my peace

Restorer and keeper of my tears

at Your feet I lay my life

all my hopes

every sorrow, every dream

every anxious thought and expectation

every moment of despair

I rest my head

stirring with concern and apprehension

trusting in the seen

and not hidden things

I seek forgiveness

for looking behind

not upward

taking hold of the things of this life

leaving outstretched arms void

and walking the other way

In You alone

at Your feet

is my hope

my strength

the love that blankets

every sorrow

every hope

quiets every tear

soothes every ache

with tenderness

gentle correction

mercy and grace

I cry Holy, Holy, Holy

with every heartbeat

every whisper

every tear

everything that is me

because of You

because of all that You are,

all You have been,

all You ever will be.

**The More We Sing

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print-6-closer-webThe other day I heard a new song by Matt Redman and the only part I recall is one line: “The more I sing, the more I love you.” It made me think about all the dissention there is in the church about what type of music we want to hear and when in the service we want to hear it, why we prefer this kind over that kind, how we want to sing it, and who we’d prefer to lead us.

I felt sad. We become so focused on what, how, when – we have played right into the devil’s scheme in getting us to take our focus off worship and instead, think about how we think worship ought to be. However, when we start thinking about how we think and feel it should or shouldn’t be done, isn’t that becoming self-focused and not God-focused?

Worship is all about God. Emptying ourselves of the garbage within and focusing on our Savior and Maker. Ironically, Matt Redman got that message right as well, when he wrote, “I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about You.”

If I am truly worshiping, I won’t tend to be distracted by the issues that can separate me within the walls of God’s dwelling place, but instead, I gather with other believers as one body, sharing in the presence of the One who brought us all together.

I know the worship wars aren’t over, nor will they ever be. Comments will forever be made about how the worship leader was going much too fast for ‘that’ song last week, or how the song was played ‘way too slow’, how we wish there were just hymns and not all ‘those’ choruses, or the words weren’t God-directed, etc., etc. I think we could make a long list of complaints about our Sunday morning worship services, but you know what that says to me? We’re not worshipping.

We can allow ourselves to become so involved critiquing our services that we forget the purpose of why we came to church in the first place.

As I listened to Redman’s song, I was touched by its simple truth…The more I sing, the more I love you.

Clearly, if we are God-focused and not self-focused, we will grow to love Him more as we sing, as Redman’s song states, because we are reflecting on the message of the song and not if it’s the right speed or whether it’s in the wrong key, if it’s a hymn or by gum! Not another praise song!?!

I realize that there are songs that are not theologically ‘correct’ and there are songs that focus on the believer more than the Savior. I tend to have issues with those as well as the next person, but, how can we tire of singing a ‘chorus’ over and over that directs its attention to our heavenly Father? How can we complain about a hymn that reiterates God’s great faithfulness?

If we are God-focused in our worship, we will be focused on the words and what they mean and not who wrote them, why the new drummer keeps bouncing around, or what the worship leader is wearing. When God-focused, we sing how great is the Lord and realize how small we are. That in itself defines the words sung, ‘the more I sing, the more I love you’. We will be captured into His presence, singing holy, holy, holy. There will be no pessimistic attitude of picking apart everything that’s wrong with the music in the service (or anything else), but we will find instead that our love for the Lord is growing with each word we mouth in praise to Him. The words will become ingrained in our heart and soul as we sing. When we allow that to happen, we are ushered into His presence and there’s no going back. We can’t help but love Him! After all, I feel compelled to point out, isn’t it the angels of heaven who stand before the presence of God and sing over and over again, those three little words with unimaginable meaning?

Isn’t that the whole purpose of worship? To come to a place where nothing else matters but the One we stand before and to worship Him? And, as we worship Him, we will come to realize just who we are. We are nothing and He… is everything.

That, to me, is worship.

**Lottery Tickets , Poker, and Faith

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Okay, I’m going to go out on a limb here and maybe offend the “really good” Christians by saying that every once in a while I insert a dollar bill into the slot of the little green machine at the grocery store, in hopes that the numbers on the little white piece of paper that pops out of another slot might have the winning lottery numbers on it.

You can think less of me. I live by grace anyhow. Besides, I pray before I do it. Of course, I’m not sure if I haven’t won because I’m not saying the right prayer or God’s trying to tell me something.

print-28-closeWell, I think I know the answer. It came to me just the other day. I was reading about Ed McMann – you know, the guy that we all have waited years for to show up on our doorsteps with a big, fat check from Publishers Clearing House. Did you know he filed for bankruptcy? The guy from Dick Clarke’s show – the guy with the big, fat checks didn’t budget his income too well (and he had a great income!).

I’m sure he thought at one point in his life he had it all. Then he lost it all.

Sometimes I feel I’ve lost it all. Life can seem desperate. Yet, I look back at what God has provided and when I stop to think about it, He has done nothing less than a miracle in our lives.

We received, according to our taxes, lower than poverty level in income last year and yet – we wanted for nothing. There’s only one way that can happen. God’s faithfulness to provide for our every need. And… He did.

We search the aisles of the market for something to fill the hunger in our lives. We search the internet for something to fill the loneliness, only to turn it off with the empty feeling still intact, deep within. We flip through the channels on our HD TV’s only to come full circle to where we began, having found nothing. Why is it that we look for and to everything else in this world to satisfy us before we turn to Him?

I popped a dollar into the machine and after retrieving it, I walked toward the car and hoping this would be the little piece of paper that would solve my despair. Before I got to the car, I realized what I was doing. Little pieces of paper are not the answer. There is absolutely nothing or anyone that can nor will ever take care of me the way my Daddy above can or will ever do. No lottery ticket is the magic key. There is no magic key.

The key, I realized as I sat in the car thinking about it, is faith. After all, who or what am I trusting in – God or a little piece of paper with the wrong numbers on it?

One of my favorite hymns is “Great Is Thy Faithfulness”. All I have needed, Your hand has provided…

What I need, He’ll provide. It doesn’t mention the state lottery. If I don’t win the so that I can help my daughter pay her school bill, perhaps that’s not my burden to carry (although I carry it quite well). Perhaps I need to just trust Him for everything, large or small. I have this feeling that to Him, size isn’t an issue and He can take care of it.

His faithfulness is great. His provision, just as great. I think I’ll just rest in that. No more little green machines for me. Anyone for a game of poker? Just kidding.

His,

Sherri

**Two Geese In A Windstorm

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The other day, as the wind literally howled and blew things from here to there, two Canadian geese went flying by with much effort, flying against the wind, squawking loudly as they went.

I looked up and watched them go by, feeling the wind against my face and smile as they flew with determination against the hidden force that tried to blow them out of the sky.

Life is like the weather. One minute the sun can be shining, renewing our spirits and the next a thunderstorm threatens to pour down upon us. PD can be like that windstorm, trying to knock us down and pull us from our determination to keep going on.

This week has been a little harder for me. I’ve noticed my meds aren’t working quite as well as I would like. My foot’s dragging a bit more. My hand doesn’t want to do what I tell it to. My balance is off. My words are more jumbled than usual. There’s more pain.

I’m in a windstorm, pushing against the wind of this life while fighting to keep flapping my wings as I press on.

As I watched those two crazy birds pass by above, carrying on about something as they were pushed here and there by the force of the strong gales, I realized with each flap of their wings, they were getting stronger. Fighting against something they couldn’t see, they knew without a doubt it was there as it pressed against them and tried knocking down. Nevertheless, they fought to keep going. As they fought to stay up, they became stronger with each time their wings flapped up and down.

I want to be like those geese. I want to stay up when this disease tries to knock me down. I want to fight hard and become stronger because of it. I want to squawk loudly so that others will know I refuse to give up.

Next time you hear the geese overhead, look up. I might be leading the pack. In spirit anyhow.

His,

Sherri