My First Love

We’ve all had a first love. Whether it be your fifth grade teacher or the person you may have eventually married. I think we’ve all had the ‘first love’ experience or feeling.

My first love? Donny Osmond – hands down. I looked forward to watching his show each week, even though today I can’t remember the name of it. I LOVED his smile (kinda still do, actually). I couldn’t wait to hear his voice belt out the next song (would it be another rendition of ‘Puppy Love’ in the soprano range, or perhaps, ‘Too Young’?). It didn’t matter. I watched and oohed and ahhed and diligently memorized every song as I patiently waited for him to answer my letters. In fact, I’m still waiting.

My first love – it was foremost in my mind. It was the main thought of my life that consumed my every day, perhaps even my every moment.

My first love – I adored him. I was devoted as a fan. There never was nor would there ever be anyone else like him. He was irresistible. How could you not love a face like this? And the hair – you’ve gotta love the hair…

Then I grew up. I gave all of my albums away. I tore all the posters off my walls (carefully) and I moved up to bigger and better things. Like Steven Curtis Chapman. Just kidding.

To love someone is to adore them, find them irresistible, be devoted to them and yes, we may even find ourselves worshiping them. To make them your first love would be to make them foremost in your mind, to make them the beginning of each day. They are your main, constant, and consistent thought.

I find I love many people. Yet, the one I love most is my first love. The one who loved me first. It is because he first loved me, that I am able to love others (1 John 4:19) and – love Him back.

Jesus had a reason for showing up here on this earth, one night in a stable. He came to set us free. He came to show us what real love was all about. Instead of embracing that love, we spit in His face and called Him a liar. Instead of accepting His offer of love, we nailed Him to the cross and laughed at His claims.

If I think for one second that I am off the hook for not being a part of doing such things, I had better re-examine my heart. I put Him on that cross , pounding the nails that pierced His flesh with every sin I chose to commit. I could have signed every nail and made it my own. Instead, He took those nails for me – because He loved me first.

One day I understood. One day I realized that Donny Osmond was a fleeting flame and a fantasy made larger than life in my brain (maybe that’s what made it defective).

One day I opened my eyes and really fell in love – real love – with my Savior. The One who loved me first, without conditions, no strings attached, and open arms. This was a love that went far beyond any puppy type love.

Did you ever realize that as they hammered nails into our Savior’s hands, his arms were stretched wide open? Arms to receive you with a love that said, ‘I forgive you’? A love that said ‘There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you (if He knew it would be the best thing for you?)’ A love that would back up that statement to the point of dying for you?

It was a cold, rainy night when I met Him. The skies thundered, the rains pelted down upon the roof and me? Tears streamed down my face as Jesus became my first love in that old pink kitchen.

How do we keep Him in His rightful place? It has to be a conscious effort, for there are so many distractions that easily cause our eyes to turn away and our hearts to beat for something that isn’t even comparable.

Come running back when you’ve realized you’ve gotten off track. Run fast into His open arms. There is nothing you can do that won’t keep those arms open for you. If He did love us first, in our filth and shame, I believe He’ll love us always. There’s nothing you can hide from Him, nothing He didn’t know from the beginning of time. And still, in spite of our sins, those arms remain open.

All we have to do is run back. Turn around and turn away from the distractions of this world. Turn back to Him.

He’s been waiting.

What are we waiting for? It’s not going to get any better than that.

**A New Year

This day, which began twelve short moments ago, is a new day. A new day to say anew “Have a super day” to someone new. Could be a new shopper ahead of you in a new line at an old store. But, just imagine that it could be a new experience for that individual in this new day.

It’s a new moment of this new day to thank God anew for his grace. To experience his grace once more, for putting up with the ‘old man’ that tends to reappear in me. Oh how I wish that each moment, each second of the day I could stay right there – right in His arms.

I get so distracted and so busy with lesser important things and before I realize it, all the new days so graciously given to me have become like the old days and spent on those lesser things. If Jesus really is my first love, then why do I let that happen? And I do let it happen by saying yes to all of the things that take me away from Him and on to those lesser, frivolous things.

How do I do that? How do I stay focused?

When I was young, I could see near and far very well. My vision was great. As I have aged, however, it has needed readjusting. I lost the ability to ‘focus’ well on whatever it was I was trying to see. I’ve needed glasses and as long I keep those glasses on, my vision – my focus – has been good, once again. My inability to focus has been renewed.

So… that’s the answer. In order to stay focused on God I need glasses. Glasses that have the ability to see what I can’t. Glasses that won’t come off. I need God-glasses that help me to stay focused when my vision wanders and I get off track.

I think in this New Year I will ask God for glasses. God-glasses that keep my eyes dependent on Him – for everything.

In 1 John 4 it says, “We love because he first loved us.” He loved us first. He pursued us, wanted us. He taught us what love was all about. Revelation 2 says, “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance… You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.

My first love… Jesus Christ. I have to confess that there have been times when I have lost the life, the fervency of when that first love appeared. Sort of like being “in love”. There can come a time when we grow ‘comfortable’ and can even take those we love for granted. Our affections cool off if we don’t care for those who are important to us. We forget that in order to keep the relationship strong, we must constantly be working on it. If we neglect to take this approach with the Lord, He will be grieved.

Therefore, He advises us, “Remember the height from which you have fallen!” Yes, if we just take a few moments to remember… remember how much better it was when we were focused and obedient. When peace filled our lives even in the midst of chaos. When strength ran throughout us even when I felt weak. His peace. His strength. Hope abounded in the midst of trials and faith did not falter.

Yes, how much better. So, what to do…

I have grieved over my lack of attention and neglect. I have been ashamed of disregarding the presence of the One who loves me more than anyone else ever has or ever will. I must return to the place when I fell away. The place when we walked and talked throughout the day, without end. The place where peace covered me and where strength held me. The place where nothing else mattered. The place I constantly long to be.

Matthew Henry says we should “endeavor to revive and recover [our] first zeal, tenderness, and seriousness, and must pray as earnestly, and watch as diligently, as [we] did when [we] first set out in the ways of God.”

So here I go. I want to endeavor anew and recover my zeal for Jesus. I want to display a tenderness towards Him as Mary did as she sat at his feet. I want a seriousness about this wanting – a seriousness that says no to frivolous things that distracts me and leaves me inattentive to Him. I want to pray as earnestly and to watch as diligently as I did before I fell from the height where I was set in the ways of God.

I’m going to find where I set down my God-glasses and put them back on. I need a new view.