Tag Archives: God’s faithfulness

Letting Go of Life’s Most Precious Treasures

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From Idaho to Southern California.  The infamous summer’s-end-early autumn-taking-my-daughter-to-college-trip.  This was my first trip down.  This was her first trip, as well.  One thousand miles to college.  One thousand miles apart.

 

It was about nine-thirty in the evening and the ceremonies for new students had just ended. It was now time for me to start the drive home.  We stood there, underneath the umbrella of twilight.  My daughter and I. I didn’t want to say goodbye.  How do you say goodbye to your baby girl?  How do you say goodbye to your best friend?  Oh, of course I knew I had to.  This wasn’t a choice.  It’s not like I was going to tell her, “Pack up.  You’re coming home with me.”  No – I had to let her go.  She wasn’t a little girl anymore.  She had grown into a beautiful young woman and it was time for me to go.  It was time for me to let her go, and I knew it.

 

With tears in my eyes, I took her face in my hands and I did it.  God had given me a gift to give my daughter.  Jeremiah 29:11.  I said to her, “God has given me a verse for you, to pray for you and over you each day.   ‘He knows the plans He has for you – plans to prosper you and to give you hope and a future.  Plans that you will not be harmed and to keep you safe. Seek Him and you’ll find Him, if you seek Him with all your heart.’”  I looked at her and finished.  “He has patiently been teaching me that if I hold onto any part of you, those are pieces that I may keep you from Him working through.  So, this is me, letting you go.”

 

It was at that moment when I gave all of her to the Lord.  He could do a better job of taking care of her anyhow.  Besides, aren’t our children merely just on loan from Him?

 

After many hugs and tears, a friend of mine (who had flown down earlier in the day to ride back with me) and I left.

 

Trying to get out of Southern California seemed like it would have been easier than it was proving to be, but the bumper to bumper traffic afforded many distractions for not having to think about how empty I felt inside.  After an hour or so, cars seemed to begin to speed up and spread out in the lanes and life inside of my head was beginning to slow down. I   turned on the car radio and a new release was playing on the Christian radio station.

 

As I listened to the familiar words, I wept…

 

‘This is what it means, to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive.’

 

I knew that my daughter hadn’t been torn from me in the sense the song implied, but it certainly did feel as if my daughter had been ripped from my life and – I surely didn’t feel I was going to survive. I felt as if I had a huge, gaping hole in my heart and I couldn’t breathe.  It was an emptiness I had never experienced before. How could I let her go? In so many ways, she had become my best friend.  She was the one who saw Chic Flicks with me, loved the same books, similar songs, and ice cream.  We could talk to each other so easily.  We loved games. And… I just let her go?

 

I cried some more, for on that dark and quiet stretch of Highway 1 along the coast of the Pacific Ocean, there was really nothing else to do at one o’clock in the morning. Besides, my passenger was asleep and if I got all of the tears out now, no one would be the wiser for it.

 

The song continued to play.

 

“This is what it means, to be loved, and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we’d be held.”

 

Listening to those words, at that moment in time – that’s when I knew I was going to be okay.

 

God has promised to hide us under the shadow of His wings. That picture gives me such comfort.  He will hold us in the fires, in the trials, in the brokenness.  He always has. So – I continued on along the darkened coast and cried some more.

 

A year later, almost to the day, my daughter and I made our trek down to school once more. We unloaded the car in less than half the time than the prior year, now being experienced college dorm movers and all…  After unpacking boxes, Togo’s sandwiches, thrift stores and Targets, it was time for the dreaded good-bye.

 

I told her I would continue to pray the same prayer for her that God had given me the prior year. We hugged and I let her go – again. I didn’t want her to see my face as I walked toward the car and I made a point to not look back.   I didn’t want her to see the familiar tears that were streaming down my face that even my sunglasses couldn’t hide.

 

I merged onto the highway – the same one as the year before.  This year, I had no passenger and left in the morning, after making sure my daughter was settled into her room.   Once past the congested areas, I turned the radio on.

 

‘This is what it means to be held, and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we’d be held.’

 

Once again, I cried.  However, these were now tears of utmost joy and thankfulness to a God who is faithful, not coincidental.  I listened to the song and felt the wings of God shelter me yet again.  I cried because of His presence in the dark times of my life.  Even if that year didn’t seem as dark (after letting her go) as the year before, it was dark enough for me.  Yet, God’s faithfulness shined through.

 

The darkness can never be so dark that His light can’t penetrate through and offer hope and healing, mercy and grace.  When we are down and discouraged, need someone who will fight for us when we have no fight left to give, He is there.  To hold us, soothe us, and renew us.  When it seems that everyone fails us and everything around us falls, He is there.  Always there.

 

If we believe that He is always there, then we are always being held.  Especially when we let go.

 

Pretty amazing stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments:
janamichelle said…  i love God’s creativity and timing. it is so perfect. your writing is so honest and real.

The Faithfulness of God Can Come in A Burrito

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It was our church’s mid-week prayer meeting and children’s program, followed by our praise team practice. Since I helped with the children’s program on Wednesday evenings, I had gone early to set up and get ready for the kids to arrive.

 

Entering the worship center, our worship pastor sat at his piano, practicing for Sunday’s songs. I laid down my things on a chair in the back row and walked to the front row and sat down. It was quiet and no one else had arrived yet. I figured I had about five minutes until kids began to show up.

 

It had been a hectic day. It had been a last couple of harried months. What used to be known as normal no longer seemed to exist. I was having to adjust to a new normal, except that every day changed dramatically and the new normal was fuzzy and inconsistent. Nothing seemed firm or consistent and the older I became the more I didn’t like change or being flexible.

 

Finances were rocky. Clarity over job situations and ministry opportunities were hazy. Relationships seemed shaky. Our family situation was in a very major transition as all the kids were back at home after all being gone for a year or better. Jobs were scarce and the kids were all biding their time in the shelter of mom and dad’s until they could find one or wait for school to start up again. We had gone from 2 to 6 overnight and it was proving to be an unexpected adjustment when these kids left as kids and came back with minds and independent spirits all their own.

 

And so I sat there with my eyes closed and just listened to the music.

 

Shortly after, he finished the song he had been playing and I asked if I could make a request.

 

“Sure.” Little did he know how God would use his gift.

 

“Would you play ‘Great Is Thy Faithfulness’?”

 

And so, after a second “Sure”, he began to play and I closed my eyes. As he played, my mind reflected on the words I had learned as a child…

 

Great is Thy faithfulness

Oh God my Father,

There is no shadow

Of turning with Thee.

Thou changest not,

Thy compassions they fail not

As Thou hast been,

Thou forever will be.

Summer and winter

And springtime and harvest

Sun, moon and stars with their courses above,

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness,

GREAT is Thy faithfulness,

Morning by morning new mercies I see,

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided,

Great is Thy faithfulness,

Lord unto me.

 

I sat there and soaked up those words – words of truth.

 

All I have needed, Your hands have provided.

 

My thoughts took me back to earlier in the day at a favorite local restaurant.

 

My son had gone with me to a widow’s house in our church, to help clean up her yard. Three hours later and a pick up bed full of garbage, we left for the dump. After unloading, I told my son that I wanted to take him to lunch.

 

Being faith supported stateside missionaries, our budget ran extremely tight from month to month and the last few months had been a bit tighter than usual. But, I wanted to take him to lunch for being such a help to me and had told him to pick the spot. And so we went to his favorite Mexican restaurant.

 

We stood in the line with others who had come for lunch. In front of me was a gentleman who watched as my quesadilla was being made.

 

“What is that she’s making?” he asked, looking on.

 

“A quesadilla” I replied.

 

“Boy that looks good,” he said.

 

“Yep,” I answered, “It’s really good, but then,” I added, “it’s all good!”,

 

He stepped to the cash register to pay for his meal and shortly after him, we stepped up to the register to do the same.

 

“Drinks?” the host asked.

 

“Two small drinks.”

 

“That will be $2.17.”

 

I stood there dumbfounded.

 

“That can’t be right. We had this and this,” I said as I pointed to our meals.

 

“It’s still $2.17. The gentleman in front of you paid for your meals.”

 

I glanced over toward the front window where he was sitting and then looked at my son.

 

“Go ahead and sit down. I’ll be right back.”

 

I walked over to where this gentleman sat. “I wanted to thank you for what you did.”

 

He smiled and said it had been his pleasure.

 

“You can’t imagine the blessing that was to us,” I said.

 

“You’re very welcome. Every once in a while God tells me to do something like that and so I do it. That was one of those times.”

 

After a few more words were exchanged, I went and sat with my son and we had a wonderful lunch together.  For only $2.17…

 

My mind returned to the music as I sat there in the first rows of the worship center, and tears filled my eyes.

 

Because God is indeed faithful.

 

Because all I had ever need, His hand does provide.

 

He proved it anew earlier in the day through a man I had never met before and will most likely, never know this side of heaven. And He was showing me anew, as our worship pastor played that old hymn, all we need – His hand provides.

 

It was a reminder of God’s goodness.  A reminder of His faithfulness.  And, it was a reminder of His merciful love.

 

Yes, great is Your faithfulness indeed, dear Lord. Great is Your faithfulness, Lord unto me!

How has God shown His faithfulness in your life lately?

 


Blessed Be His Name

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Claire and her mom

Claire and her mom

I have been following a blog, http://ourclaire.wordpress.com/, since its inception this past June.  I am not sure how I stumbled upon it, but it has become very personal to me.  It is about the life of an ordinary family set afloat the path of excruciating circumstances—the near drowning of their three-year-old daughter. Each day I receive an update on Claire’s progress toward a new ‘normal’, one of which no one but God himself knows the definition.  Each day I am driven to my knees and not only pray for this family but express my gratitude and thankfulness that I have not experienced such pain as a mother.

 

I don’t share this to bring sadness to you, my reader, but to cause you to stop and appreciate just how precious is life itself at this very moment. In the next moment your phone may ring, bringing news that will change your life as you now know it. Tomorrow could bring sorrow. In it all and through it all, God is and will always be sovereign, faithful, and just. We may cry out why, but his peace can and will calm the shaken, the fallen, and the hurting.  

 

I wanted to share a tidbit from today’s post about Claire, written by her daddy, with an excerpt from the beginning post to give you insight what they were facing from the start:

June 2nd entry-

…after a near drowning event on Sunday, May 30th…here’s what we do know about that first hour:

  • Claire didn’t have a pulse for 30 minutes;
  • When the practitioners did get her heart going again, she could not breathe on her own; and
  • Claire’s little body was fighting to stay alive.

 

August 30th entry-

 

…as I write this, the clock stares at me, shocking me with its pronouncement of another day gone by. On the one hand, I want time to slow down so I can catch my breath, and on the other I want it to speed up, hastening Claire’s recovery.

 

I reflect on the first few days when it happened, hoping that as we brought Claire out of hypothermia, we’d take great strides to recovery. We were cautioned that the recovery would take a long time, but we still didn’t grasp the gravity of the situation: little did we know that weeks, months and years of shuffling forward were ahead of us. The slow pace is what is difficult, each day another day without seeing Claire smile, hearing her voice or watching her play. We’ve survived for three months without those things, but we can’t imagine living without them for another day. But we do it anyway, because we hold on to the hope that day will come soon.

 

On some days we see something new. Tiffany had the idea of buying some Baby Orajel as part of oral therapy. Her idea was that when you feel numbness in your mouth, your tongue tends to explore that side of your mouth. Claire’s tongue exercises have been limited. So we tried the Orajel. It worked right away. We watched Claire move her tongue to the right side of her mouth, feeling where we had placed the drop. We all cheered watching her little tongue move. Her curiosity turned to annoyance when the feeling didn’t go away. She didn’t like it. It was a victory nonetheless.

 

 

What spoke to me today was Claire’s ‘therapy’ with the Orajel. While the family watched and waited, eventually they saw Claire move her tongue to one side her mouth and was victory!  How often do we move our tongues around inside our mouth throughout our days only to take it for granted? Brush our teeth, comb our hair, walk to the kitchen, stand up from sitting in a chair? All movements we do each day and never even consider the fact that tomorrow those gifts and evidences of life could be taken away.

 

Could we, like others we may know, stand and sing, “Blessed be the name of the Lord – He gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed by your name?

 

I remember going to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert after his little girl Maria had been tragically killed and through tears, he sang that very song, with new insight.

 

God gives and He takes away. Sometimes He takes away completely and sometimes only partially—like Claire, like a disease or illness, or a child who has turned his/her back on the Lord, or unemployment. The list is endless, but God’s comfort and strength never fails and victory is coming. It may not feel like it today, it may not feel like it tomorrow, but it is coming.  Until that day, I want to be thankful for what this moment brings and if the next, should God choose to take something away, it is because of His mercy and grace, faithfulness and sovereignty that I can choose to say, blessed be His name.