Tag Archives: diseases

Life Lessons Using A Rubber Duck

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Well, it’s time for an update of some sort, don’tcha think? Time goes by sooooooooo fast and other days, seems so slow. Sounds like a song.

I met a new PD’er online. Now there’s three of us who are addicted to online PD conference chats at 3 in the morning because the RLS is keeping us up (and alert) or the meds to stop the RLS is keeping us up (and alert). Which do you prefer? Survey says…

Well, we are trying to sell our home. Not easy these days, you know. I was struggling with all of the issues surrounding this big thing in my life and for this entry, I wanted to share what I learned. This comes from another blog I do called Planting Gardens – www.plantinggardens.blogspot.com. Here it is:

LIFE LESSONS WITH A DUCK
by Sherri Woodbridge

I have come to my mom and dad’s, to spend some time with them. I think I am also trying to spend some time getting my emotions, feelings, thoughts and feelings under control. I cannot stop crying when I think of my kids and having to leave them, not knowing the next time when I will see them again.

Is that what is known as the empty nest syndrome? Is there some way to get those feathery fellows to fly home? Is this part of ‘letting go’? I suppose it is, but surely I do not have to like it. I am most certain Paul did not like going to jail and yet, he praised God while he was there.

There is a song that goes something like this:

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be His name

He gives and takes away

My heart will truly say…

Lord, blessed be your name.

Every blessing you pour out,

I’ll turn back to praise

And when the darkness closes in,

Still I will say,

Blessed be your name.

He gave me my family and in a sense has chosen to take most of them away by moving them to other parts of the country. In this darkness that seems to be enveloping me, I can choose to cower to it or I can choose to praise Him in spite of it. Will my heart truly say, Lord, blessed be your name?

I am awake and the rest of those in the house are sleeping. I have opened the shades to watch the water rush by in the river before me. It is running fast and the river is full.

A duck is floating down the river. He floats alone, seeming quite content and to be enjoying his trip. As the river carries him downstream, he does not fight it. Then he appears to slow down and drift to the side, sitting for about ten minutes as he preens himself.

For some odd reason, I feel anxious for him as he wades to the side – alone. Where is his family? Where are his friends? Why is no one else coming? Doesn’t he know that if he keeps going and doesn’t go back he’ll most likely drown at the falls?

A thousand thoughts crowd my mind, as I panic for this duck. Then I notice – he doesn’t appear worried at all. He is still quite content, over there on the side by himself.

I can be like that duck, if I choose. I can allow God to take me downstream, through rushing waters, knowing not where the river will take me and enjoy the ride – alone. I would prefer to be traveling down that river with all of my family around me, knowing they are there if I need them – being there if they need me. But ultimately? All I really need is to trust God and lean on Him alone. All I really need is… Him. He will take me safely and securely, allowing me to drift off to the side every now and then to find renewed strength and rest.

I continue to watch that duck and as he starts back out for another jaunt, he only goes about ten feet on his next venture before trying to go back upstream – back to where he came from. As I watch him, he struggles in his fight, going in the opposite direction from where the river is trying to take him.

It is then that I realize – that is what I am doing. I am fighting God. I want to go back upstream to where I came from, to how it used to be – Sunday dinners with everyone there, game nights, making homemade ice cream, watching Boo – seeing her smile, hearing her laugh. Yet, for some reason, God has taken me down this river of life. It
is a river that twists and turns and even so, while not having the slightest idea of where it is running to, unaware of what is around the bend, oblivious of where I am going to end up, I hear Him whisper, Will you trust Me?

Will I? Will I drift to the side and rest a while, allowing God to be the one to fill the hole in my heart? Will I sit there with Him, letting Him be the one who dries my tears as He pushes away the darkness that surrounds me? Will I realize that He is the river that takes me to unknown places? Will I quit fighting Him by trying to swim back upstream to what used to be?
Will I turn to Him, with an aching heart and still say, Blessed be Your name?

In surrender, I pull up my webbed feet that have become strong from fighting and trying to go my way, and I allow Him to bring me to His side and rest.

Yes. I will trust Him. After all, He is all I need.

Oh Lord, forgive me. This morning I prayed for new eyes to see you in my life and you gave me a new picture by using, of all things, a duck. Help me to be like that duck – content with just You – needing only You. Help me to float down this river of life with You, knowing You will take care of me, pushing away the darkness that closes in. When I am tired and my heart aches, pull me to the side and hide me under Your wings, just as a mother bird protects her young. Then, when it is time to float again, let me not look back and want to go back upstream, fighting You in the process but to look ahead, even if I don’t know where You are taking me. I want to trust You. No matter where You take me or how I may get there, at each turn, I want to look to You and say, blessed be Your name.

I would encourage you that if you’re struggling with anything today, there is a God who cares and is waiting to take you under His wings and hold you close. All you have to do is… let Him.

Live Today

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raised hands

I received an email from someone concerned that they may have the beginnings of Parkinson’s Disease. I have met others who have PD, but not someone in the throws of wondering if the symptoms that they are experiencing are, in fact, PD.

I can’t stop thinking about him. I think because it takes me back to my diagnosis, to my days of wondering what was going on. I can relate so well and, I can understand, all too well.

He is scared, wondering if he does have PD, and I am able to look back and see myself where he is now – scared, uncertain, and desperate. I can now see that, even though the future is still uncertain, I have been blessed with a wonderful doctor, the support of friends and family and more than anything, been given the opportunity to encourage and come alongside of others. I was not able to see those things then, the fear taking away everything else that was in my future and leaving a sense of hopelessness.

Isn’t the future, in reality, uncertain for each of us, whether we have been diagnosed with a disease or not? None of us knows how the end will turn out or when will be the last time we will tuck our babies in bed at night.

I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes:

“Dance as if no one were watching,
sing as if no one were listing,
and live everyday as if it were to be your last.”

That is how I want to live each day, whether I am fighting with PD or making peace with it. I want to dance without reserve, even if I stumble. I want to sing at the top of my lungs, even if others think I’m still whispering. And, I want live each day as if it is my last opportunity for anything, even if I am given a tomorrow.

It is a hard thing to do – to live like that. There are so many distractions, so many reminders that we are not ‘whole’. With distractions that plunge their way into our daily paths and constant reminders from our bodies that struggle against their own desire to be free from disease, we can, however, choose to have the attitude of living life to its fullest and enjoying the journey, even if it’s not the one we would have chosen. It always seems better to wear a face of hope than that of despair.

I would like to encourage all of you, whether you have been dealing with a disease of any kind, whether you have just been diagnosed, or perhaps you are wondering if the symptoms that have just started are anything worth fretting over – live this day as if it were your last – dance and sing. Do it without reserve. I dare you. Oh, and don’t forget to tell someone you love them – at least once.

I’ll Have It His Way

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I went to see a movie the other night with my daughter. Now, don’t laugh…

High School Musical 3 – Senior Year.

I haven’t watched the first two movies, but have heard from various sources that they were commendable. So, as I’m a sucker for musicals and while my husband and son went to the shoot ‘em up production in the theater adjacent to us, we went in to see ours.

We were the only people in there and had a great time. The only problem with these types of movies though… The repressed desire to sing and to dance is reawakened (much to my family’s despair). I left the theater singing The Boys are Back. I added a few little moves to the words that I could remember (which were few) and a couple dance moves. Yes, the attendant behind the snack bar laughed. And then in one of my graceful moves, I threw out my back. The pain seared through the entire middle. Fortunately, it didn’t last too long.

What was unfortunate, however, was facing my PD once again. Knowing that no matter what my heart desires, this PD – this thief – will determine whether I can do it or not. It won’t be my decision to make.

But…

If I had my way, I’d join a dance class and learn to waltz.

If I had my way, I’d go skiing one more time.

If I had my way, I’d play softball and hit a homerun and run all the bases myself.

If I had my way, I’d put my own socks and shoes on.

If I had my way, I’d insist that I can do it myself.

If I had my way, I’d do many things.

Things that I used to be able to do when I had my way.

But today is different. I can’t have my way. PD has seen to that.

I’ve had to learn to receive and not always be able to give.

I’ve had to learn dancing will have to wait, at least for now.

I’ve had to learn skiing is not for me.

I’ve had to learn others are willing to do what I cannot do.

I’ve learned, unlike Frank Sinatra, that I don’t always have to have or do it my way.

And that’s okay, because I know that for some reason, this path I am on is His way and that’s the only direction I want to go. I also know that when I reach the destiny He has set before me, He will be waiting on the dance floor of heaven, just for me.

Burden or Blessing

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I am journaling our adventure of a new season in life. Currently, my husband and I are gutting a mobile home (you can read all about it at: www.plantinggardens.blogspot.com) and this comes from a previous entry that I re-read today. I thought it somehow seemed relevant for the PJ site. I hope you enjoy it. -sherri
Burden or Blessing…


Back again…
Ken asked today if I was giving serious thought to those Pre-Mobile Home Renovation Pre-Nups. I sneered at him. This was after he hit me on the head with a flying wooden sword that he had just ripped from the wall. And that was after disassembling the bathtub that I’m certain had not been cleaned for well over 38 years. And that was after I fell asleep in the car while I waited for him in the Wal-Mart parking lot, only to be left to dream about washing paneled walls and then to suddenly be woken from a nightmare, thinking that Ken, getting back into the car was the wall falling on top of me that I had been washing in me dreams (at least I think it was in my dreams…).

It’s not that bad, but I don’t think I’ve ever sweated that much, not even running cross-country in high school (ah yes, those were the days…). Just what you wanted to hear!!!

We are busy with the guest room – pulled up carpets, knocked down the closet walls.

The Structure, in its entirety got a new facelift outside when it was power washed for two hours today. That’s how long it took to give it a bath.

We ordered windows today – double paned, white vinyl, 95% UV protection with a 87% energy savings from temperatures in and out (I sound like a guy describing his hot rod). I’m excited (did I say that?!). NEW WINDOWS! You have to see the old to appreciate the new.

Yesterday, while Ken was talking with different guys about different things about doing different work on different projects, I was out pruning roses. Oh – before I forget – I smelled one! It was the most wonderful thing!!! Some of you know that part of PD is losing your sense of smell. Mine’s usually absent but yesterday it was like a ‘What was that?!?’ moment. Then I realized – it was the rose in front of me and it smelled as wonderful as it was beautiful! I haven’t smelled a rose for so long and it was a gift!

Anyhow, as I was basking in the fragrance, LaurieKay, the neighbor I told you about, came out with her granddaughter Isabella. Isabella is 3 months and gave me the biggest smile that warmed my heart. Then she spit up. A lot. (However, that wasn’t what I was going to tell you.)

The side of LaurieKay’s face was all bruised. She had three teeth pulled last Wednesday. No anesthesia, mind you. She was going to have five pulled but couldn’t stand the pain any longer. She has no insurance (many of us can relate, huh?). While she shared that they also found a tumor which they told her they are pretty sure is cancerous, my hand started shaking really bad and she kept looking down at it. Though it was offending me, instead of cutting it off, I stuck it in my pocket and explained why it was acting obnoxious. She looked at me, stunned, in silence for a few seconds and then this is what she said…

“Aren’t we blessed.”

Then I looked at her in silence for a few seconds. Then she went on to explain that she had Crones Disease and diabetes.

“We all have something, don’t we?” she added.

It was her ‘aren’t we blessed’ that stuck with me all day.

You know what? We are. When God has allowed certain circumstances and issues to become a part of our lives – a disease, an illness, a wayward child, a broken relationship, the loss of a loved one – we are blessed. We have been chosen to bear something that for some reason He has decided it is best for us to bear.

Maybe it’s to take us deeper into Him. To rely and depend on Him alone so that He truly becomes our all – in all.

Maybe it’s to make us more compassionate. To be given a sentence of a terminal illness, a chronic disease – often causes the bearer to look at others in a more compassionate way, as their understanding of pain and suffering has increased.

Maybe it’s to make us laugh. They say a great sense of humor is often born through a great deal of pain. Some of the funniest people I know are the ones that have been through the toughest times. They have found that God is their joy and laughter truly is the best medicine.

I believe what LaurieKay said is true. It is a blessing to suffer, although I’ll be the first to admit that I do not always act as if I am being blessed. But when I’m in my right mind (no comments), focused on His grace and goodness and when I’m trusting in His provision through my day, I am blessed. Blessed to have been chosen to bear what others weren’t chosen to bear, chosen to be able to understand more deeply what some never will. I am blessed to have been taken deeper into Him through pain and sorrow through the circumstances in my life and blessed with the gift of being able to laugh at the simplest things. I am not bragging and don’t mean to sound as if I am. Would I choose this blessing? I highly doubt I would have stood in that line of freebies! But looking back at what I’ve learned – the things God has allowed me to experience because of PD and the wonderful people I’ve met and have the privilege of witnessing to and encouraging – then yes. I would have stretched out my hand to God, in trust, and said Thank you for trusting me.

I hope that you find the next tough lesson, trial, or circumstance in your life to truly be a blessing, chosen just for you. And when you think of it, please pray LaurieKay’s results are negative. She’s ready to meet her Lord, but she really likes being able to watch that little granddaughter of hers every day.

Turkey, Ham, Roast Beef, or Cheerios?

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It’s Thanksgiving. Another day we are granted, to legally give thanks. So, what are you thankful for this year?

A tradition always held at the dinnertime at my in-laws, was to take turns around the table saying what you were thankful for the past year. Have you ever noticed that when you take the time to think about what there is to be thankful about, one thing can lead to another and there wouldn’t be enough time in the day to list it all.

So, we’d love to hear what you’re thankful for. I’ll start.

I am thankful for…

the love of a God who loves me so much that He’ll never give up on me.

A husband that stays by my side through thick and thin.

Three wonderful kids who encourage and support me, endlessly.

The most beautiful granddaughter ever. Really, she is.

A home.

My daily bread and sometimes dessert too.

Friends.

And, this day. To reflect God’s goodness in my life. Without Him, I would be absolutely nothing. Like a worm even, scavenging through the earth, digging to China or who knows where, without an obvious reason/purpose.

But I have a purpose. To love God and worship Him alone. To love people. The group 4Him once sang a song with those words, titling it The Center of the Mark. And that is my desire. To hit the center of the mark.

Fact or Feeling?

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I used to wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see… and comment on. Not that I wanted to. Who am I kidding? I still wear my heart on my sleeve for all to see… and comment on. Not that I want to.

It is a curse, one might say, to be so vulnerable. It is a curse in the sense that you want to keep the feelings that are so deeply felt, hidden away so no one can see. Really, so they can’t mock or tease or condemn. At least it feels that way sometimes.

It is a curse in the sense that you want to keep those feelings that are so deeply felt, hidden so you don’t have to deal with them. Feelings of loss. Feelings of isolation. Feelings of inadequacy. Feelings you have when you have what others don’t. And you want to keep them hidden because they don’t, they won’t, they can’t understand.

Mulitple Schlerosis.

Lupus.

Pancreatic Cancer.

Alzheimers.

Breast Cancer.

Alzheimers.

Lou Gehrig’s Disease.

Prostate Cancer.

Crone’s Disease.

Unless you’ve got it, or a disease like it, you won’t, you don’t, you can’t get it. You can’t understand. Not that you don’t want to, but you just can’t. Not fully, anyhow.

You can sympathize, you can pity, you can encourage and support, but you can’t understand. And so, some try to empathize, rationalize, apologize and humorize the situation. But sometimes, it’s not funny, there’s no rational reason one awakes day after day to face their foe in the mirror, nor is it anyone’s fault that they or a loved one suffers with a disease.

I guess I’ve felt a bit frustrated of late, feeling as if some people in my life ‘don’t get it’. I get to the point that I don’t want to even mention PD because it is viewed as an excuse for pain, stiffness, memory loss, or any other ailment I might be experiencing at the time. Sometimes it seems that the fact of my disease, being ever present in my body, has disappeared from sight to the outer world. Yet, I know it is there as it hides within and can definitely be felt moment by moment.

As recipients of a disease or illness, we try when our bodies and our energy levels permit, to do what we are able – garden, write, work on cars, play games, socialize… We have a new vision for the short time we are allotted here on earth and strive to make the most of it. There are some days we feel we could climb a mountain ( a little one) and there are other days when we know we can’t even walk to the base of a hill. It may even hurt to glance upward to look into the sky. These are the days when sometimes others watch us (me) and I wonder if they think PD can’t be so bad. Look at her! She’s digging up flowers! No one with a disability would have that much energy or strength.

To be fair, I often don’t, just as others I know with PD don’t. We push ourselves in the tasks we yearn to function in and finish because it feels good to be used, to be useful, to work, to move. Yes, we push even in the pain because, at least for me, the pain says I’m alive, I can still do it – today. And yes, it also cautions me to take it a little easier, but not so easy that all that is left is to sit and watch life instead of participate in it.

I may wish to hide what’s going on inside, but I’ve never been good at it. I wear a feeling of loss at times, because the fact is, I’ve lost something – control. And I wear a feeling of isolation – a feeling of being alone in the fight. I wear inadequacy by feeling I can’t do, can’t offer what I used to. Everything’s just a little harder to accomplish. But as hard as things may be at times by dealing with something others can’t understand, people mean well. They intentions are honorable and they are trying to deal with this intruder from a different angle: it’s taken a part of the one they love or it’s trying to.

So I guess I’m thankful that sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve because sometimes I don’t want to give this monster any more attention and talk about it. But sometimes I need to and that’s when someone asks how it’s going and if my answer is a little less than accurate, they glance at my heart laying there bare for all to see and re-examine my answer.

You sure? they ask after receiving a less than convincing ‘Okay’ response.

Fine. You’ve got me. I’ve got PD and no, I’m not okay. Today I just really need a friend.

**A Friend’s Trip

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The following is a post that was first published on ‘Parkinson’s Journey’, my PD site. It was initiated by my co-author partner of PJ and good friend, Judy Hensley, about her trip that she recently made out west to see four PD friends that had never met in person before this. This is what they had to say about each other after meeting…
About My Friend Karen (by Marian)
I used to think that courage meant not being afraid. I used to think that strength meant not crying when your heart was breaking. Then I met Karen. She showed me that courage means going on even though you’re afraid, and strength means reaching out to others even though you’re crying. Karen has looked into the eyes of despair and rejected it. She has laughed through her tears and defied the odds. She has reached out with a strong hand to help others while her world was turning upside down. She is a wise woman and a joyful (and sometimes frightened) little girl all at the same time, and I’m so proud and happy to say that she is also my friend.
Love ya,
Marian

About my friend Sherri (by Judy)
I learned alot about my friend Sherri when she came to visit me in Tennessee in January, so this is a cumulative summary of some of her characteristics. Sherri is of course a writer, so she soaks up things about people without much outward interaction at first. And then I think she evaluates a person or situation with her heart and mind and interacts in a most sensitive manner. She may seem shy upon first meeting her, but then when she speaks what she says is very thoughtful and sincere. She is tentative about sharing much about herself at first, and she puts on the front of handling life with PD quite well, but I’m pretty sure that is because she puts all the hard life stuff in God’s hands. Her faith is a strength much greater than her own because she has experienced God’s strength in her life before and knows she can depend on it above all others.

While at her home. I got to see her with the ones who make her most proud – her family – but I love the look on her face when she talks about and plays with her ‘bright spot’…her one year old granddaughter. It is a very special bond they share! And I got to share for an afternoon planting and digging in the dirt with her–another one of her passions. And I learned, here is one way we are different….I like admiring the end result of it all…the lovely garden, and will gladly leave the diggin’, sweating, and wondering if what I just planted will grow process to others like her! lol

Sherri may look like she is too serious (PD masked facial look) but she can get zany and silly just as fast as the rest of us!! And her KGB jokes are a riot! To me though, the most impressive characteristic and the trait I most admire in her is her compassionate heart. You immediately sense it, you know it by her words and actions, and in her writings as well. She is selfless, funny, and a wonderful person to know and call my friend.. Thanks Sherri for making my adventure so very special. 4 ever admiring your heart….judy

About my friend Judy (by Karen)
It was nearly two years ago Judy and I met online through a support forum known as Patients Like Me (PLM). She reached out to me through an instant message system they had at PLM. From there a friendship began to blossom. It would not take long before I would really learn exactly what Judy was all about…OK well maybe not exactly she just too unique of an individual for that! Judy has a heart of gold and a spirit of passion for God that stretches beyond the heavens. She has a sense of humor that is infectious especially when she starts to laugh and she also knows how to be not only a compassionate friend, but also giving.

I will never forget the time I came home from work in the afternoon; I was feeling not only emotionally beat up by Parkinson’s but also physically. I had been home on disability and had gone back to work, which was grueling every morning for me. One particular day stands out in my memory; I was too ill to continue my day at work and had to leave after only being at work a few hours. I called Judy on my cell phone en-route home in tears. I felt not only disappointed and betrayed by my body, but embarrassed to admit to my employer that I was having a hard time working a full day. After I had been home for a while my telephone rang; it was Judy on the other end giggling and telling me that when my front door bell rang to open it and sign the paper and please add a tip…I said “What???” she continued to giggle to the point she was in tears on the other end and gasping to catch her breath and then blurted out to me “what kind of pizza do you like??” Yep you guessed it the bighearted Tennessee wild woman ordered me lunch…all the way from Tennessee…I have never had anyone do that for me! Not only was I surprised but so was her credit card company when they called her concerned someone in CA had gotten a hold of her credit card and was using it!! Looking back upon the memory of that very day showed me the heart this gal has for her friends.

Last week Judy made a trip out to the west coast and Marian (another CA gal) and I were on the list of visits…we had a grand time with Judy, Sherri, Marian and myself…No one but Judy could preplan the fun she had in store for us…she went out to the car and returned with a bag filled with small cups of different colors of Play dough…giggled and said “OK everyone pick 3!” We laughed, we sculpted, it was great fun to see four women ranging in age from their 40’s and 50’s so young at heart, each intensely immersed in creating masterpieces! Judy you truly are a wonderful, energetic, vivacious woman…thank you for your friendship!

About my friend Jeanette (by Judy)
I really think I threw my friend in Washington state, Jeanette, a curve ball she never expected when I asked her if I could come and visit her! That’s just the way she is …unassuming the power of her friendship and the blessing of her attitude. If there was a bubbling- over joyous-friend award, she would get it! I so wish she could have come along on the rest of my adventure with me….she would have fit right in…lil bit serious…whole lot of fun and giggles. The other thing so special about Jeanette is how much she just loves people and children and animals. She finds something good in everyone and everything to be grateful to God about. I had the joy of attending her church with her on Sunday morning and it was just a great time of fellowship. Later that day we went on a ferry boat ride and talked Jeanette into coming to Tennessee to visit sometime in the near future. I’m holding her to that promise, no matter what! The thing I absolutely love about Jeanette is her laugh! It is so fun filled and she uses it alot. And she also has the best dead pan humor that is always got me grinning. So Jeanette is my joyful friend. Don’t misunderstand, she has her days too when life gets hard, but it doesn’t take her long to look and find a blessing to claim or something to laugh about in it all, and that’s an amazing thing, I think! Lov ya kiddo…looking forward to you coming to see me in TN!
Judy

About My Friend, Marian (by Sherri)
She walked around the corner as we exited the hotel and I could tell it was Marian by her smile, which matched the one on her Daily Strength and Facebook profiles. We had never officially met, only through the exchange of emails and updates through the PD community.

Marian is quiet and shy but once we all met and exchanged greetings, it was as if we all knew each other forever. Marian makes you feel important and rarely talks about herself but instead asks about you. She has an extremely strong vocabulary, evidenced by her competitive spirit in a game of Cranium. So much so that we blew Judy and her team clear out of the water in that round. An avid reader of such novels such as Moby Dick, she focuses on the importance of its message and not necessarily the size of the fish or what the author chose to name such a massive fish.

If I could use one word to describe Marian, it would be ‘charming’. I’m not sure why, except that is what came to mind. She is funny, witty, innocent in her own way – perhaps it’s because she made an extraordinary ukulele snake charmer couple, complete with baby snakes, out of an ordinary lump of Play-Doh.

Whatever the reason, Marian is a warm and wonderful person who went from being an acquaintance over the internet into a warm and wonderful and wacky person I am honored to call ‘friend’. God is good.
Sherri

About 4 wild women I read about on Facebook by Jeanette (as described by phone to Judy) note: Jeanette knows all four of us online but had only met Judy in person (isn’t she lucky?). For her assignment she was to pick some words or phrases to describe Judy, Sherri, Karen, and Marian from the pics on Facebook of Judy’s trip:
Jeanette on Judy…”drop-dead gorgeous” (further evidence of her insane humor and need for new glasses!), courageous, uniter, joyful (gee, thanks J!–your check is in the mail, lol

Jeanette on Sherri–struggling (to stay awake??? she did drive awhile), deep, enduring, and a great friend (and Judy agrees!)

Jeanette on Karen–love her smile, infectous attitude, intense (note from J: as in Dr. Fernandez –but if she had witnessed the Cranium game she might change this description…lol–you had to be there…no way to describe !)

Jeanette on Marian–looks like she gets along well (with PD and others) and Sparkles as well as great PlayDoh modeler.

**Earaches, Heartaches, and Doorways

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When my son was born, until the age of almost three, he had constant ear infections. After the third or fourth time, it became easier to identify that another was coming on and I could get him to the doctor before it became too painful. Most of the time.

I do recall one experience of having that motherly instinct of knowing he was getting another and taking me in. His regular doctor was out and another doctor saw him. He assured me after checking him briefly that there was no cause for worry. I wanted to assure him that I was most certain he was wrong.

At twelve o’clock that night, my son woke up screaming, his ear filled with pain. I did everything I could to help him. I gave him Tylenol. I held him. I rocked him. I cried with him. He screamed in pain until morning.

A few weeks ago, I had an ear infection. It began with a gradual achiness followed by intense pain and pressure for about five days, at which time I felt it was going to burst and to be quite honest, I almost wanted it to just to relieve the pain and the pressure.

No one ever gave me Tylenol. No one held or rocked me or saw me crying in the dark when I could not sleep because the pain was so intense, but then, they did not know because I was not crying out in agony.

This is what I learned…

When my son, at the age of two, was in pain, he writhed in discomfort and screamed for release from the grip of his ear infection. Oh how I wanted to comfort him and hold him tight so that he knew he was not alone. I rocked him to try to soothe him and as I held him closely, I cried with him, wanting badly to be able to take his pain away.

When I was in pain a few weeks ago, for the most part, I kept it inside. No one else needed to hear how much it really hurt. No one could rock me and comfort me and it made me think… Isn’t that what God wants us to do with him? Yet, we try to keep the pain in our lives and the heartache we experience hidden deep inside, when all the while He is waiting for us to cry out to Him for help.

I was chatting online last night with a friend and he was saying that one of his friends was not going to be able to do an event that they had planned for this year. He said the other person had been having some recent struggles and had to cancel. Then he withdrew and ‘disappeared’ (not literally) from his network of friends. My friend made a comment that went something like this: “I’ve told him there’s still a spot for him on the team, but he’s got to walk through the door.”

I liked that. We sit and cry but we do not run through the door screaming to God for relief. We do not writhe in pain when it hurts so bad inside that we think we cannot tolerate it for another minute. A foreclosure on the only home you have known. A divorce. An illness. The loss of a loved one. You lose your job. The list goes on.

When a child cries out in pain, the parent responds immediately. When he whimpers and sits off to the side, if the parent does notice, s/he probably knows it is not a life-threatening issue or the child would be screaming as loud as he was able. The child that is crying out for mercy gets mommy or daddy by their side – immediately.

I am not saying that if we talk to God politely, He is going to ignore us, but there is something to be said about crying out to Him. Sometimes that is the only thing we can do. Sometimes that is the best thing to do. To become like a child and let Him hold you and rock you. Let Him soothe you and wipe the tears as He wraps you safely in His arms.

He is waiting to love you. It is up to you to walk through the door.

**Bittersweet Lessons

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It began with “Welcome”, posted on a website. A health website in an area for those with Parkinson’s Disease or someone caring for a person with Parkinson’s Disease. The ‘Welcome’ has turned into lifelong friendships that have developed through laughter, heartache and commonality… we all have PD.

Two days ago I met a friend who I have known for over two years and just had the blessing of meeting personally. A friend who also has Parkinson’s disease. She met me at the airport in her famous, ‘da Coat’, overcoat and the friendship has grown by leaps and bounds since that moment.

I suppose so far the highlight has been today, after an exhausting (due to lack of sleep) evening at her women’s retreat and getting to know her friends. I have been immensely blessed by their company and hospitality. After cleaning up after the gathering, we went back to her house (this morning) to work on our PD site, Parkinson’s Journey. Afterward, she took me to a friend’s home, who also had a friend visiting from out of town. These two women also have PD.

This has been my first experience meeting anyone else with PD. It gave me a reality check in two major areas. First, realistically confronting the facts of this disease and second, the blessings of this disease.

First, the confrontation. After meeting Judy (‘da coat owner) in person and watching her, the realization of where this monster (PD) is headed hit me in the face (not literally of course, but it actually felt like it could have happened). After meeting Peggy (TNPeg to some out there) and seeing where she has traveled on her PD journey (she recently underwent a clinical trial for PD that involved having five holes drilled into her head), once again, I was hit in the face. Hard. This monster has no mercy. It has no preference of attack. It does not care who it hits. Young children, young mothers, young fathers, spry grandfathers, first time grandmothers, elderly parents – it doesn’t play favorites. It will attack them all and leave them to fend for themselves in what could be a useless shell. It knocks them to the floor. It will laugh when they cannot voluntarily move their feet. It will mock when others stare as you flail about without control.

But it will not win.

In the pain, the struggle, and the heartache, there is a blessing. The blessing of joy.

It will show up in the darkest hours. It will shine through the things we can still do. Like painting a mural on the side of a barn. It will radiate gratitude in knowing that five out of ten fingers still work pretty good. It will weep with joy on the days that are ‘pretty good’, because there are days that are pretty bad. The monster (PD) may appear for a battle, but it will not win the war when hope and joy stand as its defense.

The facts are, PD doesn’t get better. It can be controlled to a point, but it won’t get better. Though it won’t go away (unless God wills it), the sorrow over its presence in our lives can, if we look at the to God and the blessings in the trials and tribulations throughout this journey.

It is hard. Many times blessings come through hardship. They can sometimes definitely be easier to see when we in the midst of a hardship because we are elated when something good finally seems to happen in the middle of a hard time. The blessings can almost tend to stand out. However, they can be hard to see if we get caught up in pain and sorrow and lose hope.

This week I have watched these women of faith, women who are filled with hope, strive to maintain some sense of ‘normalness’ in their lives and hold on to some measure of control of their bodies. This week I realized, that is what I also try to do. I guess I call it pressing on.

I have wept in silence for these women. Some not only deal with their own disease (PD), face to face, day after day, but some are carrying loads that press in on every direction, often leaving anyone else to give in instead of pressing on. One woman is grieving over her mother’s battle with reoccuring cancer and the war with chemotherapy treatments. She also runs errands for her father in-law who has just been admitted to a nursing home for health problems.

Where does her hope come from? The kind of hope that allows her to stand when she has no strength left? The kind of hope that allows her to smile in the face of despair? A hope that perseveres in the midst of the trials and tribulations of this life? Her hope comes from her Savior. It seems so appropriate that the One who saved us, saves us continually from much.

Paul said, ”

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. …Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”
(Philippians 1:2-12)

Joy can be found in the midst of trials – if we believe there is a purpose in those trials. What if the only purpose was just to develop perseverance? Would that be enough reason to press on? Would it be enough reason to know that you were going through a hard time merely so that God could teach you to not give up?

That is easy to ask but tough when considering the response. However, if you consider the rewards of learning to persevere, it may be easier to answer.

Perseverance produces maturity. Completeness. Character. Not only does that staying power produce the kind of character that pleases God – a maturity and completeness in Him – but what a promise we are given if we persevere for His sake, to receive the crown of life! Yet, Paul says this comes when we persevere under trials. The kinds of trials and test that God allows in our lives. Tests that can feel as if they will claim the best of us. Storms in our lives that feel as if we will drown in the smashing waves and be thrown against the rocks, left to wash ashore limp and lifeless. Trials that claim ownership of our strength and hope and joy and strive to leave us empty. Tribulations that trap us into a dark crevice which close in on us, inch by inch of every passing day and chide us into believing the sun will never shine again.

But God made a promise to those who love Him. The promise that these things in life that hurt, that often make no sense, would make us better. Even if they don’t make us well.

That is the blessing of our trials – our diseases, our losses and sufferings, betrayals, and more. The blessing of not only receiving the crown of life, but knowing that we were allowed those trials because we are loved by a merciful God. Knowing that He has a confidence in us that we cannot even begin to fathom in our small minds.

He knows what we are able to endure. He only gives us what we can handle. He will give nothing less, as it won’t produce what He desires for us to become and He will give nothing more, as He is a loving and wise Father towards His children. He allows just enough to become stronger in Him.

If you are facing a trial that seems as if it will destroy every ounce of strength you have, every drop of joy that remains in your spirit and every spec of hope you thought you possessed, take heart. God is using it for your good. He is using it to bring about abundant blessings in your life. It is being used to produce perseverance. He wants you to develop into His mature and complete son or daughter whom He loves beyond any measure that you could ever imagine. He has not left you nor has He forsaken you.

Jesus said, “In this world you will have tribulations, but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). He has already gone before us and knows the path we are on. He has walked it Himself. He persevered to the bitter end. He will be your strength when you are too weak to stand. In the midst of the storms, He will be your lifeboat.

He has already won the battle. All you have to do is to trust Him. Persevere through the trials for when you have reached the end, mature and complete, He will be standing ready to place a crown upon your head.

sherri