Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to grow up. People tell me I look younger than I am – they always have. I am not in any way bragging about that comment and, to be sure, I have never really thought about it much, if at all. I look in the mirror and see worn out and tired.
People think I sound young on the phone. I know this for a fact, for on several occasions upon answering a telephone call, I’ve been asked, “Can I speak to your mom?” I politely respond with (what else), “I am the mom.” Trust me. I was there for the birth of my three grown up children. I was there throughout the diaper changes and cleaning spit up. I sat through all the baseball, soccer, basketball, volleyball and football games and helped with the homework. I sat at the weddings and now, have held my first grand baby. The gray hair is real and I think I’ve earned every strand.
Yet again, sometimes I feel like I am never going to grow up. It used to be that I felt it was just others who saw me as immature. Then I started seeing it for myself. While I long to stay young at heart and feel I have a pretty good shot at it, I’m realizing it is a good thing to grow up.
A couple weeks ago, I was helping someone and she had it in her mind that she needed to accomplish each task alone – from caring for her little one, to driving in unfamiliar territory, to finding a new home. The list went on and her stress level became great enough for the both of us. I was getting frustrated, wondering what I was even doing there. Certainly, I was no help. She wouldn’t let me help. Therefore, I did what any grown up, mature middle-aged woman would do – I went outside and cried.
I cried out to God. I feel useless.
Do you suppose we make God feel like that by insisting that we do everything without His help? Does He feel ‘useless’ because we never ask Him for help? It was a thought worth mulling over.
You need to be the grown up.
Okay, now that voice was clear enough. I was listening, but I just had one question. How?
It was clear that how wasn’t sitting there whining about me feeling useless. I thought about it and realized being ‘grown up’ meant confronting the other person in a loving way and expressing how I felt without crying about it.
Wow. That was weird. I don’t do confrontations for the most part. That’s not my style. Nevertheless, the picture of me confronting this individual in a loving way was overwhelming and extremely clear.
As we headed out for our day, the opportunity immediately and quite naturally came up when the other person expressed how they felt panicked by driving in a strange city. I used that open door to tell her how she did not have to do all this ‘stuff’ by herself and that my sole purpose in accompanying her on this journey was to help her with whatever she needed. To make a long story short, I drove most of the rest of the trip, I changed a few dirty diapers and, I gave my opinion about potential living quarters. It was good. It was unfamiliar territory, but it was very good.
The air was clear, there were no hard feelings, and I even believe our relationship grew deeper. It felt right to be grown up, at least for that day.
My husband and I took a walk a few days ago and I could not help but notice how the evergreen trees have new growth on the tips of their branches. To drive right by, it is hardly noticeable. However, if you are walking, most likely you will notice. It is a beautiful green color that is set apart from the older growth; you only notice it once a year, and then it blends in with the rest of the tree.
Growing up is like that. I often don’t feel grown up. However, every once in a while, God puts a situation in my life where I have been given the opportunity to stand back and see the new growth. It may only be a tiny bit, but I can see that I am growing. For there, on the tip of my character, I see a new color – the color of growth.
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete until the day of Christ’s return. Philippians 1:6
It is my prayer that when He does come, I will have green tips all over my branches, even if I can’t see them.
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thank you for helping some of us grow up just by reading what God has put in your heart! btw…you look good in green! lov ya, Judy