I am writing this for Saturday morning, for the iTeam.
The iTeam is a group of four women, of which I am one. We all met on the internet, via support groups for PD. We were all meeting today in Georgia for the Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease Conference slated for this weekend. I say ‘were meeting’ for now, I am not. I missed my flight.
Sure, I shed a few tears. Well, maybe several. However, I didn’t sob. I didn’t swear. I didn’t give the employee who sent six people with tickets in their hands, ready to check in – all be it with 45 minutes until take off – I didn’t give him an icy stare or think bad thoughts in my head. (Those emotions will come later -ha). Yet, I was surprised at my immediate reaction.
Getting mad, passing blame will not make this better, and God works all things together for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Wow. Where did that come from? I guess I’m growing up – a little bit – again. Nevertheless, I am disappointed. Disappointed that I will not get to meet these three women who have become very dear to me. Disappointed that I will not hear the talk about DBS (Deep Brain Stimulation) that my doctor is recommending that I have done within the next year. Disappointed. Just plain disappointed. And yet… I am joyful.
I went to see my neurologist last week and he asked his normal questions. Someone usually goes with me to these appointments to be my personal memory assistant. That day, my husband went. At one point, he had to leave the room and as he closed the door behind him, my doctor turned to me and said, “Good. I feel like you can never say what you want when someone is here. So tell me, how are you doing? How are your moods?”
For those of you that are not very familiar with PD, depression is one of the main symptoms we get to deal with on a day-to-day basis.
“You have a lot of reasons to be down right now.” Then, he actually listed all the reasons I had to be down as he counted them on his fingers. (He’s got a great memory!)
“Your husband’s out of work. Your daughter just graduated and is trying to find a job to pay her loans. Your son and his wife just moved away with your new granddaughter. Your other son is trying to find his way through life. You have PD.”
That’s just what he knew! As he listed them, I thought, ‘Yeah! I do have every right to be down!“
I looked at him and then answered. “I do have a lot of reasons to be down right now, but I still feel joyful.”
I still feel joyful. In spite of my disappointment today, there is joy. There is joy because I have hope. I have hope because I believe God works all things together for good. I believe that He works all things together for good because I know that He loves me and knows what is best for me.
For some reason, I didn’t make my flight. For some reason God had other plans. I may find out what they are or I may not. Regardless, I believe that whatever the reason, it is the best.
Excuse me while I answer my phone…
Well, I have to go – my son was just in an accident.
I’m back…
He’s okay. An older woman hit his car. Hmmm… I wonder if that’s one of God’s reasons.
Nehemiah 8:10 says, “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.“
It’s true. I choose not to grieve over my disappointment because He is my joy and my strength and I hope that this day you find joy and strength in Him, as well.
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