Primer: Read Ephesians 5 in the New Testament
The month of June is known as a month for weddings. Plans are being finalized, cakes are being cut, brides are being showered with gifts, and commitments are being made. When the cake is all gone and the gifts have all been opened, sometimes the excitement that built over the last few months fades and you’re left wondering, “What happened?”
There was a popular movie a few years back that had a great title…As Good As It Gets. The big question was asked in the movie, as one patient exits the psychiatrist’s office and faces a room full of waiting patients, “What if this is as good as it gets?!?”
Granted, he was having a not-so-very-good-day, but sometimes, when the wedding bells quit ringing and dirty dishes begin to fill the sink on a regular basis, we sometimes ask ourselves, “Is this as good as it gets?”
Little girls are taught that Cinderella lived happily ever after. So did Snow White and Belle of Beauty and the Beast. How do we really know what happened? Just because they ride off into the sunsets of their movie sets doesn’t prove they actually lived happily ever after. What if the horse bucked after the lights faded and the princess fell off. Worse yet, what if Prince Charming never noticed and left Cinderella in the dirt?
Happily ever after doesn’t necessarily mean the blissful couple didn’t have struggles. After all, Cinderella may have decided that she didn’t want to cook and clean anymore. Of course, she most likely had servants who attended to her, but maybe she became a little bitter about the way her sisters were and began taking it out on the help. Maybe Snow White preferred life with Sneezy and Doc. We’re not told those weren’t possibilities. Anything’s possible.
Life is not made up of happily ever afters. There are still some pretty great, long-standing marriages out there but the fact is, they are getting fewer with each passing year. Many couples who have been married over 25 years – two decades plus – are divorcing and/or having affairs.
How can you protect your marriage from becoming the opposite of a fairy tale princess ending and becoming one of the rare, long-standing, happily married relationships? Here are some tips:
· Put God first. It doesn’t matter how ‘great’ your marriage may seem. If God is not at the core, both individually and as a couple, the struggles are likely to occur more frequently and may be more difficult to resolve. With God in the center, there will be tough times, but you will have His wisdom and strength to rely on, which is much greater than our own.
· Don’t neglect regular time with the Lord. You need time alone with the Lord to hear from him, to be refreshed, to be held. Try to establish a regular time for you individually and as a couple. In the very least, carve out a time to pray together each day, even if it’s only two minutes. You can spare two minutes.
· Love yourself. Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. It is difficult to love someone else when we don’t love ourselves. You were made in His image, bought with a very high price – His Son. You are more valuable to Him that you can imagine. Live in that truth.
· Put your spouse first. Even after the kids are born. You will not lose your ‘identity’ and you will gain God’s favor.
· Respect your spouse. Don’t talk him/her down when you’re with others. If you are having problems in your marriage, talk to someone who can give you wise counsel, not someone who will commiserate with you and feed on your struggles and vice versa.
· Talk to each other. Make dinnertime at the table mandatory and talk to each other. Today’s culture struggles needlessly, partly because they do not eat meals together. This is a time for family fellowship and a sacred time for finding out about each other’s lives for that day. Do not wait until you start a family to make this a priority and… turn off the TV while you eat.
· Make your relationship a priority and have regular date nights and yearly getaways. Good marriages do not just happen. Any valued relationship takes time to develop and that includes a marriage. Schedule regular ‘dates’ with your spouse at least every other week. Get a sitter if you need to. Enjoy each other’s company. Do something fun. And, at least once a year, get away for a weekend alone. Build your marriage intentionally, year by year and when you’ve hit the 25 or more year mark, neither person will want to be with anyone else than who they’re with.
· Don’t try to change the other person. Ask God to change you. He will.
· Pray for your spouse constantly. Temptation is everywhere and no one is immune from its enticing and exciting lures. Keep your spouse lifted up in prayer. You may be the only one who does.
You may not have the perfect marriage. You may not have the worst marriage. Just like any relationship, however, it can always be better. Mark your calendar now for your next date night and follow through. Show your spouse that they come first. If you have issues to work through, seek wise counsel and an objective ear, if need be. Pray together. Persevere because this may not really be as good as it gets – it may get better and better.
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